Yeah, I saw you. I saw you getting into the truck hat you had parked in the closest spot to Target. The one with the sign labeling it “Family Parking For Customers With Small Children.” I was suspicious of you when I noticed the absence of car seats in the back of your extended cab but I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. Maybe you were a pregnant lady who didn’t have car seats yet but needed that close spot. But then I saw you walking out to your truck and you? Were not pregnant. You were a man.
I could have let you off the hook if there had been some evidence of infirmity about you. A limp. A cane. A handicap tag swinging from your rearview mirror. But you walked briskly, without even sunglasses to aid your progress. From all of that I could only deduce one thing: You are a douchebag.
I bet you took that spot, the close one, because you wanted to park there. You wanted to dash into the store and dash out quickly. And you did it by depriving a someone with little kids or a baby bump the chance to save a few steps.
Oh sure, you don’t think it’s that important for moms and moms-to-be to get to park close. We chose this, right? But think about this, Parking Space Stealer Douche: walking through a giant parking lot with a toddler can be dangerous. That goes double for the return trip with bags or shopping carts, especially for moms who have more that one kid and can’t fit them all in the cart. Minimizing the amount of time in the path of cars reduces a mom’s stress. And pregnant women, especially women in the last few months of pregnancy, have trouble walking. We’re slow. Our joints ache. Our babies are wedged in under our diaphragms and we can’t draw a deep breath. We don’t want to schlep half a mile across asphalt to get into the store to buy wipes and deodorant.
What’s that? You aren’t into the schlepping either? Yeah. Come talk to me about that when you’re 30 pounds heavier, with ankles swollen like sausages, ligaments that shoot pain up your buttocks with every step, and heartburn. When you’ve got all that going on PLUS a tiny foot jammed into your ribcage, then I’ll start to consider your anti-schlepping stance.
Those family-friendly parking spaces are a courtesy some stores offer to their customers. It’s not illegal for you to park there but it is certifiably douchey and everyone knows it. That’s why I grinned like a madwoman when I saw a store security guard chew your non-pregnant, non-accompanied-by-little-kids ass out when you got back into your truck that day. You totally deserved to hear it from him.
And just be grateful you didn’t have to hear it from me first.
Photo credit: photo stock (with addition by author)