10 Bad Reasons to Have KidsRebecca Odes
10 Bad Reasons to Have Kids 1 of 11
1: You think it will save your marriage
Having a baby is more likely to strain a relationship than repair it. Yes, there is the possibility that the beautiful and powerful experience of bringing a life into the world will remind you of what you love about each other, but then theres the matter of actually taking care of the baby and all the decisions that come with it. This is not to say you cant build a healthy family on a rocky foundation, but the stronger and more committed to each other you are as a couple, the more likely having a baby will deepen your bond.
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10 Bad Reasons to Have Kids 2 of 11
2: Youre sick of your mother
Her nagging probably comes from a good place — and a personal agenda to have grandchildren (which are more fun than children anyway) — but that doesnt change the tinge of anxiety and pressure it puts on you. The truth is that you cant have kids to satisfy someone elses desire. As much as your mom wants to be a grandparent and see you fulfill her fantasies, youre the one who will be doing all the work child-rearing.
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10 Bad Reasons to Have Kids 3 of 11
3: Its about that time, isnt it?
The supremacy of the biological clock is hard to argue with, but at what point do we start mistaking worry with an actual urge for offspring? The decision to have children is dramatic and irreversible, so make sure its something you want to do and not something you feel you ought to do because of your age. If the only thing thats making you want kids is the fear you might regret not having them someday, it may be wise to hit delay a little longer.
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10 Bad Reasons to Have Kids 4 of 11
4: You want to prove you don't have to settle down
Though theres no perfect family environment, kids do need certain things to feel secure and psychologically healthy, such as a parent or parents who love them and a sense of home. If you dont see a baby fitting into your daily life, youre probably right. Its okay not to want kids; its not okay to try and fit a kid into a life where his or her needs wont be met.
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10 Bad Reasons to Have Kids 5 of 11
5: Youre tired of your sister-in-law getting all the attention
Competition can be a strong motivator for many things in life, but when it comes to childbearing, the competitive urge is rarely positive. Though its frustrating to take a back seat, having your own kids will not change your situation. Its quite possible that you could have a child and still feel ignored in comparison or feel like your child is second best to the first grandchild. The family dynamic can play out in any number of ways, many of them equally or more annoying as the current scenario.
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10 Bad Reasons to Have Kids 6 of 11
6: You think having a baby will make you less selfish
Distracting yourself from narcissism is not a great reason to have a kid. For one thing, having a baby does not in itself make a person less self-centered. In fact, it can simply make a self-centered person unhappy as she experiences a constant struggle for the center of her universe. Relinquishing narcissism is a lot more complicated than just inserting a needy baby into your orbit. You have to be willing — and able — to turn the spotlight away from yourself. This isnt to say it cant be done, but changing the way you think is hard work.
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10 Bad Reasons to Have Kids 7 of 11
7: At least this way youll feel like youve accomplished something
Some women feel that having babies gives them a sense of purpose, while others find that motherhood increases their anxiety about being successful. Sadly, you cant really predict how youll feel, so its better to begin the transition to parenthood from a stronger and more secure emotional place. The last thing you want to do is think of your baby as just another source of disappointment (and its a lot to ask from an infant to rescue you from a life you find unfulfilling.).
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10 Bad Reasons to Have Kids 8 of 11
8: You want unconditional love
Considering how much work and generosity is required to parent effectively, having a baby just because you want someone to love you does not bode well for your ability to rise to the challenge. Plus, a childs love may not be exactly what you hoped for — those baby cuddles eventually evolve into tantrums and defiant expressions of independence (and thats in a healthy situation). Want unconditional love? Try a puppy first.
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10 Bad Reasons to Have Kids 9 of 11
9: You want to carry on your
Theres a long tradition of reproduction for the sake of family lineage, but if your main reason for having a child is to keep your family name in rotation, you might be better off devoting your time to writing a bestselling novel or making some other mark on the world. Publications may be equally difficult to give birth to, but they require a lot less long-term care than children.
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10 Bad Reasons to Have Kids 10 of 11
10: You want someone to dress up
Dressing up a baby seems like so much fun before you have one. The process is surprisingly irritating, and once you get the cute little outfit on, theres a very high chance itll get covered in some kind of bodily fluid within five minutes. If you want someone to dress up, you could always try your husband — or just start buying clothes for your pets.
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10 Bad Reasons to Have Kids 11 of 11