We were turned down by another agency this week. Same reasons and then some different as well. I’ll explain in more detail another day, but man, it’s hard to hear over and over again. It really does a number on you as you listen to someone explain why you aren’t a good candidate for adoption at this time.
Thankfully, they did say they thought in a year or two we’d be ok. Most of it had to do with the length of time in losing the twins till now. We do understand that.
We’ve decided to leave our options open with adoption but for the next few months not pursue anything like we have been. I need some kind of a break from the emotional roller coaster this puts me through. It’s so draining to wait weeks on end with your hopes up to get told once again – no.
We will adopt one day. I firmly believe that and Sam does as well, and this whole process has shown us both how very much we want to. But for now, both domestic and international are on hold until we can put some time between us and the trauma we’ve been through.
I’m sad. I’m disappointed. But like I said in my other post, I’d rather have our life right now and have been honest in our homestudy than adopt while still drinking or lying about it by omission. I know what it’s like to be on the other side of what we’ve worked so hard for – and if we have to wait a few more years to show everyone we are serious about our lifestyle change and about healing from our loss, that’s ok.
Yes, I feel slightly irritated that things totally out of my control prevented this, but there isn’t anything I can change about it. It is what it is.
I don’t think we’ll find an agency right now that will work with us until we have some more time away from losing the twins. That’s ok. I’m not going to push because adoption is a BIG deal, and if they don’t think we’re ready, we really need to honor the wisdom and advice behind that. I have to remind myself it’s not a done deal, it’s simply waiting for a better time.
What’s next? I’m not sure. We’re leaving our file open, we are talking about what we want to do from here on out. Because we still want to expand our family.
It’s been a really tough past year. It’s almost a relief to have this set aside for a while and just unwind from the stress.