When I found out that I was pregnant, it took all my energy to not share the news with every person I had ever met. My husband, on the other hand, wanted to wait until the end of the first trimester to tell anyone. After explaining to him that that was crazy talk, we agreed to tell our immediate families after the first ultrasound at around 8 weeks. Well, we agreed to tell my immediate family and we hoped that his family would just psychically find out.
I’m not trying to bash my in-laws here because that rarely works out well, but they can be a challenge. They don’t like me all that much and never really have. They once told my husband that he should’ve slept around more in medical school so he could’ve settled down with a trophy wife. So you could say our relationship is a little strained. But so is their relationship with their son.
While my parents were both completely ecstatic to find out that we were having a baby (no joke, all my dad said for 5 minutes was, “Oh my God. Oh my God.” It was adorable), his parents will not be. In fact, most likely, they will be angry.
They have some legitimate concerns. We are not in the greatest financial situation, especially considering that I’m still in graduate school and we are world record holders for student debt. We are busy, my husband works 80 hours a week, and frequently has to stay at the hospital overnight. And our nearest family who could help out is easily an hour away, if not more like 2 or 3 hours.
But the thing is, they won’t be able to be happy about it and worry about that stuff later like we’re doing. This announcement will earn us a lecture. I know this because I’ve witnessed it.
When my sister-in-law announced she was pregnant with her second child, at a restaurant in public, she and her husband were given a lecture about money and going through a tough time in their marriage and how absolutely stupid it was to bring another child into that. It went on and on and on. I have never wanted to shrink away into nothingness more than I did that day, and I wasn’t even the one getting the lecture.
And so you can imagine why I am not really looking forward to telling them tomorrow night at their family dinner.
I know that I shouldn’t let them make me feel bad and I should not stay and let them lecture me, but I also know that that’s exactly what’s going to happen. Leaving the dinner would result in a much greater problem down the road. Telling them to not lecture us will only escalate the lecture. All that’s left to do is grin and bear it. Which is going to be more complicated than usual given my inability to consume buckets of alcohol and my surplus of hormones.
It’s so unfortunate because this should be happy news. This should be an occasion to celebrate a new life, a new stage in our lives. And while I know they’ll come around and be happy eventually, I just wish that we could spend tomorrow night celebrating.
I sincerely hope that my children and my children-in-law never feel this way about telling me anything.
And I really hope that I’m wrong and that tomorrow is another happy day in this adventure of pregnancy.