Terrible Inspiration for Perfectly Good Baby Names

I know it’s popular these days for people to make fun of parents who name their kids something out of the ordinary. I am not one of those people. I named my daughter Mazzy. I like odd names. Always have. Mostly we get a positive reaction to it. But every once in awhile, we get a squinty-eyed sneer and a “huh?”

We named our daughter Mazzy for three reasons— 1) We needed an “M” name for both my grandmother Marion and my husband’s grandfather Meyer. 2) We thought it was cute with an edge to it. And 3) we looked it up online and read that it meant “precious” which solidified it as the perfect choice.

But none of this matters because everyone seems to think that our daughter was named after Mazzy Star (a band from the early ’90s) and that we must have conceived our child while “Fade Into You” (their one hit wonder) was playing on a loop in the background.

So, I thought I’d come up with a list of baby names that are perfectly fine choices for a kid — but with backstories that might leave a little to be desired, along with the reasons that those names are most likely significant for the people who chose them for their kids. For instance, the next time you meet someone with a baby named “Oscar”, you should ask the parents if they picked the name due to their love of award shows or their love of green muppets who live in the trash.

  • Max 1 of 15
    Some time in your second trimester, you had a really good experience buying a stapler at OfficeMax.
    Image source: Spend Less Shop More
  • Victoria 2 of 15
    Your push-up bra was the reason your husband first introduced himself.
    Image source: The Adventures of e Squared
  • Thomas 3 of 15
    Regular toast is for suckers.
  • Heathcliff 4 of 15
    You always hated Garfield and this was the only way to insult him officially.
    Image source: Retro Junk
  • Six 5 of 15
    You never got over that very special episode of Blossom.
    Image source: Girly Handwriting
  • Morton 6 of 15
    There is no seasoning better than salt.
  • Sloane 7 of 15
    "Save Ferris!" has been doodled on every notebook you've owned since 1986.
    Image source: Zap2it
  • Clark 8 of 15
    Your husband believes strongly in practical footwear.
    Image source: Teletoonl
  • Wendy 9 of 15
    Have you tasted the Asiago Ranch Chicken Club? It's delicious!
  • David 10 of 15
    An ode to chocolate chip cookies.
    Image source: Shop the Food Channel
  • Pizzazz 11 of 15
    You always thought The Misfits were a much better band than Jem and The Holograms.
    Image source: Teletoon
  • Caesar 12 of 15
    You and your spouse have a shared love of anchovies.
    Image source: Simply Recipes
  • Stella 13 of 15
    You are really looking forward to your first post-pregnancy beer.
  • Lilly 14 of 15
    You have a fondness for leisure wear that is only acceptable in Florida.
    Image source: Warehouse Weekends
  • Haagen Dazs 15 of 15
    Haagen Dazs
    You really really really want a bowl of Haagen Dazs. Like right NOW. And, just between you and me, "Coffee" makes for an excellent middle name.

Related posts from Ilana Wiles on Being Pregnant:

13 Halloween Costumes to Hide or Show-off Your Baby Bump

Deciding on a Middle Name

The Only Things You Need the Day You Bring Your Baby Home from the Hospital

Read more of Ilana’s writing at Mommy Shorts. 
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Top image source: Muppet Wikia

Article Posted 4 years Ago

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