The 7 Greatest Indignities of Pregnancy

I blame tv shows for my completely unrealistic expectations of pregnancy. Pregnant women on tv always look so happy and in control of their bodily functions. They leave out all the real stuff, the stuff that happens every single day and instead romanticize the growing belly and bigger bust. I mean, the bust is pretty great, but it’s hardly the only change that takes place.

What they don’t show is what that belly is doing to the rest of the body. What the baby inside is doing to your bladder and bowels, and the real stuff happening in that bust. The reality is that pregnancy is a treasure trove of humiliation some of the time, especially as you get closer to the magical time of delivery. Don’t get me wrong, I adore feeling my son kick my insides and I find it entirely adorable that just about any music will get him moving any time of day, but I’m not going to pretend that I’m not tired of some of the more embarrassing parts of pregnancy.

And because I feel like embarrassing myself more than usual, I’m sharing. These are the top 7 greatest indignities of pregnancy…so far.

  • Poorly controlled bladder 1 of 7
    Poorly controlled bladder
    I'm quite proud to overshare with you the fact that I have yet to pee my pants, but I will not pretend like it has not been dangerously close on a number of occasions. The baby loves nothing more than to headbutt my bladder when it's full and so there have been MANY close calls in the past few weeks.
    Photo via Morgue File
  • Leaking boobs 2 of 7
    Leaking boobs
    A few weeks ago my husband walked in and looked at me all funny. He then proceeded to ask me what was on my shirt and by the time I realized what it was, I was ready to cry. My boobs, they are officially leaking fluids. All the time. I'm not even 34 weeks pregnant yet and I can no longer walk around without a bra on without leaking through a shirt. Waaaah.
    Photo via Morgue File
  • Gas 3 of 7
    Oh the horrors of this one. I hate myself for admitting this out loud, but I passed gas, audibly, in front of my clinical instructor and a patient's mom the other day. And then I immediately died in a cloud of my own funk from embarrassment. I'm certain this story will bring my son great joy some day, but until then, I mostly want to crawl inside myself and hide forever.
    Photo by Grombo via Wikimedia Commons
  • Willingness to shed clothes 4 of 7
    Willingness to shed clothes
    At my OB appointment last week my doctor wanted to double check that all was well with my boobs, especially in light of my surgical history and the earliness of the embarrassing leakage. And she told me to remove my bra. And without hesitation, I did. Because I've completely lost all sense of modesty. In all my fun trips to labor and delivery for contractions I believe I have been seen naked by no fewer than 15 people and I just no longer care.
    Photo via my iPhone
  • Uncontrollable Crying 5 of 7
    Uncontrollable Crying
    At lunch with a friend a few weeks ago we were discussing a patient case of hers and before I even had the time to stop myself, I was crying. In public. I don't even cry in my own house the vast majority of the time. Nothing like being the totally stereotypical pregnant girl crying over her giant bowl of ice cream.
    Photo via Morgue File
  • Nose blowing 6 of 7
    Nose blowing
    Even when I'm not crying I spend every day blowing my nose for what feels like forever. It's like an bottomless pit of grossness. And let's not discuss how blowing your nose can disrupt the delicate bladder or gas situation.
    Photo via Morgue File
  • Waddling 7 of 7
    I swore I would never do the pregnant waddle and then something strange happened in the past week. I got bigger and my groin got so sore I could not walk like a normal human being. Somehow it felt like I had ridden a bike about 500 miles the day before, which I clearly do not recall doing. As everything spreads out, the waddle becomes a way of life and mobility, sadly.
    Photo via Morgue File

What was your greatest pregnancy indignity? How did you manage it?

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