I can’t even begin to tell you how nervous I was for the homestudy interview on Friday, although I tried. I mean, I was just on pins and needles of nerves and excitement and everything.
I don’t think I quite realized how thrilled I am for this until I was facing one of the biggest parts in getting there.
Our social worker arrived and started interviewing Sam first. I was in the other room with Bella while they talked, but he asked about his childhood, military service, our marriage, parenting style, and then why he wanted to adopt.
I have to say – when I did catch his answers I was pretty proud of how he did and how much thought he put into the adoption over these past few years of us considering it.
Next up we did a joint interview. We were asked questions about crisis in our marriage (Sam being a recovering alcoholic, our massive fights about everything, and how the past 2 years have dramatically changed us). We answered each honestly, I mean, I tell it all on my blog, why not there?
We were asked how our families reacted to the adoption news, if they were supportive. Sam and I talked on losing the twins, how in the 3 1/2 months since then we’ve started to heal and what paths we’ve taken to do so. How our marriage has strengthened because of what happened and how we chose to handle it together. He asked about faith, friends, support systems in place for us.
A lot of the conversation was focused on bringing our little one home. Loss, adjustment, becoming a family, bonding, getting Bella ready – all of these we gave the answers we’d sat up talking on so many nights. S. Korea is a high touch culture, so we know baby wearing is a must. Sam and I spoke on how we’d incorporate the Korean culture into our lives, how we’d try our hardest to keep in touch with the foster parents and let our child have access to all the information on his or her past that we have.
We also plan on taking as much time as possible to cocoon together as a family for a while. Sam and I are just starting to read and talk on loss in toddlers and how we can make that transition easier. There is a play therapist in our area Bella is seeing for what happened when we lost the boys that we will speak to about the adoption as well.
There were the medical sides: finding a pediatrician that understands adopted children and illnesses that we may not know about. There aren’t any here so our social worker suggested we start looking for one we can fax medical records to. He asked about what we were looking for medically, and we explained that we’re treating this like a pregnancy – what the agency and laws qualify us for we are open to.
After all this, it was my turn to talk a little on my childhood, friends, family, and adult life. We showed him the house, the backyard, explained that we were planning on homeschooling all of our children.
His only concern with any of the process was the recent loss we had. He kept apologizing for having to ask about it, but I told him it was actually very healing to speak about our sons – we didn’t want to pretend they didn’t ever exist.
At the end, he told Sam and me we were a pretty amazing family, and was impressed with how mature our relationship was for our ages, and what we had faced and how we handled it was inspiring. I have to say – that felt really good to hear from him.
He said he would be done Friday with our report and send it off to our agency. We don’t know what will happen, we may still be turned down for any reason, but we are hoping and praying that isn’t the case.
He left us with a really great feeling about the adoption and how real it’s becoming. The next step after approval is more paperwork, sending it all off to the agency, and then waiting for a child referral. That varies in time depending on the child we are referred.
So fingers crossed! We should know soon what to expect next.
Hopefully it’s a baby!