Everyone who has ever tried to get pregnant intentionally is familiar with the two-week wait between conception and taking that first pregnancy test. That wait can be agonizing. But, belief it or not, there’s another two-week wait that’s even more stressful.
Not many people talk about it. Not many people have to suffer through it. But for those of us who do, it’s an emotional roller coaster like no other.
It’s the wait between your first heartbeat-less ultrasound and your next one to see if there’s been any development — two weeks later.
Sadly, this is where my wife and I are at right now. Last week, at what we thought was our 9-week appointment, we discovered that there was only a yolk sac and embryonic sac, but no embryo or heartbeat. The measurements were consistent with 5 and 1/2 weeks. Either something is really off with the dates, or my wife will miscarry.
We don’t know.
And only time will tell.
Our emotions are all over the place. We try to remain positive, and I was shocked to hear from so many readers that “this same thing” happened to them and everything ended up being fine. For others, that wasn’t the case: they miscarried.
We try to rationalize the growth. Due dates are based on a 28-day cycle. My wife has a 31-day cycle and she ovulates later than most women, on the 23rd day, not the 15th. Plus, we know exactly when she conceived (not all women do) and we realized after we checked the calendar that we had her first day of her last period off by one day. Nothing too significant on its own, but added all together and she’s right where she should be.
But the results of that ultrasound and knowing that she might be about to miscarry are tidbits of “info” that we can’t erase from our minds.
We’re — at the same time — praying for the best and preparing our hearts for yet another devastation on our road to motherhood.
We fill our days with the mundane activities of regular ol’ life. Work, house chores, cooking, grocery shopping, laundry, walking our dog. Sometimes, just for a second, we’ll forget about “the news.”
And then we immediately relive the fear and the hope.
We want so badly not to give up on this little bean while at the same time wondering if it’s already too late — knowing that there isn’t a single thing in the world we can do right now to change the outcome of our next ultrasound.
It’s already written.
We can do nothing. But wait.
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