Being pregnant gives you real insight into human nature. It’s been fascinating to see how people reacted to our big news, who willingly offers up their seats on the train to me, and the whacked remarks that occasionally come out of people’s mouths. Here are some of the things I’ve been hearing these past few months:
“Ooooh, that’s where my watermelon went! Ha ha ha!”
Jokes about your belly’s appearance get old, fast.
“I can tell you’re having a boy, you’re carrying low/high/wide/whatever.”
Although science has yet to link the shape of a pregnant woman’s belly to the gender of the baby she’s having, that doesn’t stop people from guessing … or making you feel yet more elephant-like than you already do.
“It’s pretty hot out there. You must be really hot!”
Yes. Because I am lugging around a watermelon 24/7.
“Are you carrying twins?”
Nope. There’s just one baby in there, and a lot of pasta.
“Can I touch your belly?”
What I’d like to say: “For a small fee!”
What I usually say: “Sure!”
“Do you know what you’re having?”
Yes! We opted to have a baby over a tadpole or puppy.
“You already have a boy and a girl, this one’s just gravy!”
I think we’re committing to a little more than just “gravy” with kid no. 3.
“Your belly button looks funny!”
This comment’s courtesy of my kids, who think my newly outed belly button is all sorts of amusing. It is vastly preferable to the day my daughter said to me, “Mommy, you are getting fat!”
“You’re getting close!”
I’ve actually still got two months to go; please oh please, don’t make me freak out any more than I already am.
“You look tired.”
That’s because I am, thankyouverymuch pregnancy insomnia. And now, I am hyper-aware that my concealer isn’t working, thankyouverymuch.
“Oh, my ankles also got swollen when I was pregnant.”
Um, my ankles actually always look this way?
“Get in all the sleep you can now.”
Reality check: Sleep is not like a savings account — you can’t save it up for a dry spell. But now that you mention it, OMG! EEEP! YIKES! I’M GOING TO BE SOOOOO SLEEP DEPRIVED!
“You’ve got that pregnant woman glow!”
This, I never get tired of hearing.