Things That Suck: My Body Image

I would not be sad if the full length mirror in my bedroom disappeared. That’s because there is pretty much nothing below my ribcage that I want to see in a mirror.

I’m 5’7′ and my weight usually sits around 140 or 145. I’m a bit bottom heavy, with slim shoulders and what I like to call “peasant hips”. It’s not a supermodel body but it looks good if I dress for my shape and it certainly does all the things I call upon it to do. Basically? I have no substantive complaints about my figure.

But this pregnancy has changed all of that.

In my first pregnancy, I remember feeling pretty good about myself until the last month or so. I felt like I was pretty sexy with my bigger boobs and little bump. Sure, I started gaining a pound a week right out of the gate but, somehow, the weight and how it distributed itself on my body didn’t bother me. If you asked me, I’d say I looked pretty great when I was around 6 months along.

That’s why I’m a little stunned at how hot I DONT feel now, at the same point in my second pregnancy.

I don’t know what’s going on because nothing is too different physically this time. I’ve gained about the same amount of weight, I have the same great hair and skin, the same amazing boobs but it’s just not the same. I’m somehow huger right now than I was the first time. Not the bump so much. It’s more like my hips took the presence of pregnancy hormones as license to spread themselves as far apart as earthly possible. My rear end looks as wide as the Grand Canyon to me and a lot of weight has settled onto my lower back in the most unattractive way. My thighs have also ballooned up so I feel almost pyramid shaped if you trace from from head to knees.

It’s miserable. I hate the way I look all the time. I’m not going to sugar coat it.

I know, I KNOW that my health and the baby’s health are paramount and I am grateful that I have no major issues and neither does the baby. But that gratitude is just a psychic bandaid over the disappointment I feel whenever I catch a glimpse of myself and realize, yet again, that yes. Yes, I really do look like the Macy’s Parade balloon version of myself. Sure, I’m a mom and I put my kids first but I also still do care about how I look and I don’t look good.

The worst feeling is that there’s nothing I can do about it until after the baby comes. The weight will just continue to pile on my absurdly wide hips and I just have to grit my teeth and do my best to find flattering outfits. If past experience is my guide, the weight WILL come off once I deliver and begin nursing but for now, I just have to live with a body that I don’t enjoy looking at.

How do you deal with body image issues in pregnancy?

Photo credit: photo stock

Article Posted 4 years Ago

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