I may not know you, but I know what you’re going through.
You see, we belong to a club no one wants to be part of. It’s a club littered with heartbreak, disappointment, stress, loss, loneliness, and sometimes even secrets.
But it’s also a club made up of warriors — you, me, and the thousands of other women who struggle with infertility.
We are your army.
We may never meet — we may never know each other’s names — but we are with you.
We are with you when you find out, once again, that you aren’t pregnant. When the test reads negative, and tears fall at another failed cycle.
We are with you at the first spots of blood, whether they be from the beginning of a new cycle or another loss.
We are holding you when you cannot speak, when you do not want to get out of bed, and when you do not want to be touched.
We are the strength behind your forced smile when someone unknowingly asks, “So, when are you going to have kids?”
We are there with you when you are questioning what’s next. When you’re wondering how much more you can take, and how much longer you can endure this painful journey. When you worry how you’ll ever survive if you can’t give away all the love that’s in your heart to child someday.
We are there with you when the doctors tell you your options. When the room falls silent at the diagnosis.
You have never felt so alone, but you’re not. Because we are with you.
We know your fear. We know your heart better than almost anyone else.
We are with you at that baby shower — another one that’s not your own. We are with you Saturday morning when your newsfeed is filled with yet another pregnancy announcement. We are with you as you pass the baby section at Target, wondering if you”ll ever be purchasing one of those frilly outfits or teeny tiny sock sets one day.
Your army stands beside you when you Google the fertility clinics in your area. When you start seriously looking into the adoption process. Or when you visit that sperm bank or egg donation center near you.
And your army is with you when you decide.
To try again.
To take a break.
To move on.
To stand tall.
To fall apart.
To give up.
To give it another go.
To change your mind.
And to do all of those things, again.
The struggle is a cycle.
And you are a warrior. But don’t miss that army of women who stand not only behind you, but also with you.
We will hold you up when you can’t stand on your own.
And you will, again.
You will amaze yourself by the amount of strength you find within. You will be brave when you take yet another injection, track a new cycle, and start charting your days.
You will forgive your body for failing you, and for betraying you. You’ll learn how to once again love her, I promise.
I know it’s dark and lonely and scary and unfair right now. And I know you feel broken.
Not only have parts of you shattered along the way, but this struggle is changing you.
But, now is the time to pick up those pieces and build up your armor again, girl.
Because you are a warrior, and your army needs you.