Wherein I Burst Your ‘Pregnancy Glow’ Bubble

the only thing that’s “glowing” is the iphone filter

I remember being pregnant with my son, Jackson, 4 years ago and attending a college football game with my in-laws during the first trimester. I wasn’t showing yet, though I felt enormous.

(You know that feeling with your first pregnancy? The INSTANT that your pants are tight and the rubberband you have looped through the button of your jeans to give you an extra inch has popped, you’re all OMG, I’M SHOWING. I AM PREG-NANT. Y’ALL. PREG-NANT!)

No? Maybe it was just me…

Anyway, I had a miniscule bump at best. While I never got sick during my pregnancy with Jackson (knock on anything near you that remotely resembles wood), I felt sick all the time. It was as though I was in a constant stage of flu-recooperation, or so it felt. That icky, too hot but chilly body temp, exhausted sandpaper eyes, bloated and gassy, nothing sounds good but you know you need to eat so you scarf on some cheetos and chug milk out of the carton… It was gross. I felt gross.

And yet… people tell you, first time pregnant people of the universe, that “YOU LOOK MARVELOUS!” and “OH WOW, YOU’VE GOT THAT NEWLY PREGNANT GLOW!” and “PREGNANCY LOOKS GOOD ON YOU, MAMA!”

…which is exactly what I was told repeatedly at that college football game, as my husband and I strolled around from tailgate to tailgate.

And sure, you smile and nod and thank those who bestow such sweet words upon you. You don’t know any better… yet.

Now, with this pregnancy, I know better. I know that I look exactly how I feel in this first trimester.

I’m tired; no, like TIRED. I’m growing a human and my hips hurt as they are expanding. My eyes want to close as soon as I open them in the morning. I am bitchy and moody and weepy. A small garden of zits has sprouted on my chin… which only amplifies the dark chin hairs I have developed since turning 30.

Nothing about the first trimester looks “marvelous” or even “good,” let alone “glowing.”


Not even your zygote is looking cute yet. (Nothing personal.)

Truly, if anyone goes for 9+ months with no booze/smoking/drug use, ridiculous amounts of sleep, and drinking water like you’re a camel with a side of prenatal vitamins, they too can have that “pregnancy glow.”

But don’t tell me that I have said “glow” during my first trimester. I know better now.


Article Posted 5 years Ago

Videos You May Like