I would consider my husband one of my very best friends. He knows me better than anyone else, has gotten me through some hard and happy times, and I feel like I can be totally who I am with him. I think having a friendship can be an important factor in a long-lasting and healthy relation ship and marriage, but there’s a fine line.
I’ve written before about certain things I won’t do in front of my husband. Many comments suggested that in doing so, I was not being my true self and how horrible that must be for me. The truth is, that is being my true self — I have always been private in certain situations and will continue to do so because that is me and my loving husband respects my personal boundaries.
Just because two people are in a loving and committed relationship, doesn’t mean it should be without boundaries (within what ever boundaries the couple sets, it’s different for each person and couple). I think when when it’s boundary-free you open your marriage up to potential issues like your partner and you feeling like you’re just roommates. Yes, we live together, but blurring the lines between spouse and roommate is where you may start to see some issues creeping in. When that happens, you could increase the risk of falling out of love, losing interest in each other, and that can quickly lead to hurt feelings and potentially the end of your relationship.
When you live with someone, there’s a big difference between being in a committed relationship verses living with a roommate and getting it mixed can cause issues.
- If you’re hanging out at home, yet you still never see your partner — that’s more typical to what a roommate relationship would do. You don’t have to spend every second together, but you should at least want to see your partner if it’s still romantic.
- If you’re working late, have weekend plans, or some other commitment a relationship would typically let their partner know. Roommates, however don’t check in to make sure the other person knows when to expect them home. You don’t have to have your partner keep tabs on you, but if you’re expected home for dinner and will be late, a happy marriage will let the person know.
- I get it, people are busy and if your marriage has working individuals and kids, it can be hard to go out on dates. Roommates don’t regularly date, but a romantic partnership should. Even if you just make a weekly Monday date on the couch to watch the latest episode of The Bachelorette, that’s something.
- If all you’re doing with your partner is avoiding talking and/or only talking about issues, that may be a sign you’re feeling more like roommates.
- One of the biggest differences between a typical romantic partnership and a roommate relationship is intimacy — you’re not typically intimate with your roommate. If you find that spark has lifted from your relationship, that could become a larger issue.
- No one wants to fight, but if you’ve got issues with your romantic partner and yet you find it easier to ignore it and talk about it with a third party, that’s something a roommate would do. It’s dangerous for your relationship to let issues fester and even worse to get that emotional support always from someone else.
- If you would rather go out and hang with friends and be out of the house and not have to make plans with your partner, that’s more like a roommate situation. If you’re more worried about the kids, work, or someone else — you should reevaluate your partnership because it should be a priority as well.
- I’ve mentioned this one before and I recognize that other’s may disagree, but I think there needs to be some boundaries within a relationship — it’s more about respecting your partners comfort zones vs not being yourself. If you’ve got no boundaries or your partner doesn’t respect yours, that sounds more like a roommate situation.
- If you’ve got a big decision or happy news to share and you don’t want to share it with your partner, that may indicate an issue. You probably don’t go all gushy or emotional with news to your roommate, but you should be able to be vulnerable with your romantic partner.
- If you’re no longer sleeping on the same bed or in the same room, that’s what roommates do. If someone is in the “dog house” and is sleeping in the spare room or on the couch, overtime that could damage your romantic partnership and turn it quickly into a roommate situation.