There are days when my husband surprises me. I will discover something about him that I didn’t know. A food he loves, a song that makes his face light up or a dream he might have for our family. But there are also things that I do know and as a result, our relationship is better, our connection stronger. Even so, an article via Black and Married with Kids prompted me to do a little thinking when it came to how well I know my own husband. Given the fact that we are continuously evolving and changing as human beings, it only seems natural that there will always be new lessons to be learned. Take a look at 10 things every married person should know about their spouse.
10 Things Every Married Person Should Know About Their Spouse 1 of 11
Do you know all the things you should know when it comes to your spouse? Take a look at 10 things every married person should know about their spouse.
Their dreams 2 of 11
What is it that your spouse is passionate about? What does he or she dream about and desire to do outside of being a spouse, parent, and provider/nurturer for their family? It is possible you already know by now what makes your heart sing, but what about your spouse's heart?
How they say I love you 3 of 11
It's no secret that my husband often tells me he loves me without actually saying it. How does your spouse say that they love you? Do they make sure they turn the heater on in the morning so it isn't cold when you get out of the shower or always make you coffee? Do they help get the kids ready in the morning (even if their clothes are mismatched) so that you can get extra sleep or always make sure there's gas in the car? Sometimes we are looking for grandiose acts and proclamations of their undying love for us and as a result we miss all the small ways that they tell and show us.
How they process situations 4 of 11
Silence doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong between the two of you. I am notorious for asking my husband what's wrong when he is quiet. I assume that I must have done something and have even felt hurt as a result of him being more quiet than usual. And that's where I go wrong. I take it as him giving me the silent treatment rather than remembering that we both have very different ways of processing things. Be aware of how your spouse responds to situations. Do they need to be able to talk about the issue right away or do they need some time to sort their thoughts before bringing them to the table?
That they are on your team 5 of 11
Sometimes we become so focused on what we want that we forget that we aren't in a relationship by ourselves. Although it may not always feel like it at the height of an emotional moment, most often our spouses want what's best for us and the family as a whole. Our spouse wants us to be happy. When we aren't, it affects them too.
They want to feel needed 6 of 11
Most of us have this innate desire to feel needed. It makes us feel good. And our spouses are no different. Needing someone seems to have taken on a negative connotation, but leaning on your spouse doesn't mean you can't still rock out to Destiny Child's Independent Women or that you aren't strong. To me it means that life is better because they are a part of it.
When they’ve reached their limit 7 of 11
At this point in our marriage I can generally tell when my husband is upset. In moments where I've been upset also and lacked maturity, I kept right on talking, pressing his buttons, and fueling the fire. As we've grown, we are learning that sometimes you need to step away and cool down. We've also learned that sometimes you are better off not saying anything and that having the last word isn't all that important. We all have moments where we seemingly struggle to hold it together. While we do our best to teach our children to control their behavior and how they should respond to situations, we know that sometimes that is easier said than done. Even grown-ups have meltdowns. If you sense that your spouse is really frustrated and know that space will help deescalate things, give it to them.
What they love about you 8 of 11
If you don't know what it is yet, find out what your spouse loves about you. Body parts, special talents, character traits — whatever it is, find out and make sure they get to see more of it!
Their medical needs and wishes 9 of 11
Although it is extremely difficult to even think about, a time could come when you have to act as a voice for your spouse. Do you know their medical needs and wishes in the event they were injured and/or hospitalized?
What comforts or calms them 10 of 11
Typically, you are the person your spouse comes to when they have had a rough day. And often they are coming because they need something. They may need a sounding board, listening ear, some advice, a hug, or maybe even a cupcake. Know what soothes your spouse when they feel weary.
When they are sending out an S.O.S. 11 of 11
Do you know signs of your spouse's discomfort? Do they squirm when they are uncomfortable or withdraw and become quiet? Do they become snappy? What signals do they give? While it is important to be able to ask your spouse for help, sometimes the signals come forth before they even realize they need it. And sometimes they are with you at a really awful holiday party and can't tell you in words that it's time to make a getaway. Learn to be attuned to your spouse's body language and the nonverbal cues they give you.
I understand that these points are not universal when it comes to couples, but taking them into consideration just might pave the way for a more harmonious home environment. I’ve found that when I am willing to take the time to listen to him, my husband is the greatest expert when it comes to him. Some things I know simply by going through life with him, and other things I know because I took the time to ask. For some things every woman should know about her husband, as well as things every husband should know about his wife, visit Black and Married with Kids. But before you go, do share your thoughts – what are some things every married person should know about their spouse?
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