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10 Ways My Husband and I Are Just Like an Old Married Couple

Image source: Thinkstock
Image source: Thinkstock

In the midst of the summer flood of wedding invitations that I am currently swimming in, I can’t help but sit back and feel a little like an old lady full of marital wisdom.

I mean, my husband and I are still in our 20s, but we’ve waded our way through the murky marital waters of almost eight years of marriage: four kids, hospitalizations, job changes, and all that comes along with the ride.

And despite the fact that I still love weddings and their promise of fresh hope and love, I am also totally comfortable with the many ways that my husband and I have settled into the routines of an old married couple:

1. We watch Antiques Roadshow.

Don’t even try to tell me this isn’t the best show on public television, because I just might smother you with hard candy wrappers from my purse if you try. Every Monday night, without fail, (providing our children will cooperate — which probably means more like two Monday nights a year), you can find us parked in front of the screen and exclaiming about that hideous lamp we’re sure we threw out one time.

2. We read in bed.

OK, technically I read in bed, but it’s definitely my preferred bedroom activity. Ahem.

3. We take actual naps.

Unlike many parents who sneak away for an afternoon “nap” (wink, wink), when we say we want to take a nap, the majority of the time, we actually mean a real nap. As in sleep.

4. I enjoy crocheting.

It’s been a long time since I tickled the ol’ yarn strings, but once upon a time, I crocheted an entire blanket for my husband. Ask me if he appreciated the gesture.

5. We sympathize with each other’s aching backs.

Mine is the result of constantly holding a 26-pound 10-month-old diva who refuses to crawl and demands I cart her around the house while his is the result of doing all kinds of woodworking projects in the middle of the night, but the cause doesn’t matter. All that matters is at the end of the day, we’re both hurting. Pass that ibuprofen, honey!

6. We keep a close tab on each other’s body hair.

If I’m feeling particularly loving, I may just tell my husband when he has that weird hair coming out of his mole again and if he’s looking for a way to tease me in just that special way, he may point out that my chin hair has sprouted. Again.

7. We tell the same stories.

Sometimes, I wonder if we’ll run out. Or maybe when we actually are an old couple, our memories will be so bad that those stories will become all new once again. There’s always something to look forward to in life and love, my friends.

8. My husband has definitely lost his hearing.

He may only be 29 years old, but the man has heard enough “studies” about how men tend to lose their hearing at the exact decibel that women tend to speak at, so he practices selective hearing with the best of the baby boomers.

9. We are oddly obsessed with our lawn.

My husband more so than me, admittedly. We happen to live in a neighborhood full of retirees and my husband fits right in with the mow-your-lawn-every-other-day crowd. If you can’t beat `em, join `em.

10. We smile at first-time parents.

Oh, sweeties. You have so much to learn. Now, who wants a mint?

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