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11 (Small) Silver Linings of Going Through a Divorce

I’m divorced now.

And so a new chapter begins …

The phoenix rises from the ashes …

The sun peeks out on a new day …

Blah-blah-blah. Puke. The cliches are never-ending. But whatever gets you through the night, you know?

As for me, I’m fine/going with it/day by day/wrapping my head around the good stuff, if you can believe it. I’m anticipating the mystery. I’m kind of excited about the fact that I have absolutely no idea what the hell is coming down my pike.

Contentment, satisfaction, acceptance, morning eyes staring up at the bedroom ceiling/the sound of  your own breath making you whole, those things are waiting for those of us with the guts to realize that we will be okay  if we trust in all that has happened to us, no matter how damn much it has rattled our soul.

So naturally, if I need to know something is actual and real, if I want to believe in it like some people believe in Gods or fairies, then I need to see it in the one honest and pure place left on Earth. I need to walk up to the altar of truth or consequence and have it staring down at me like the coolest Buddha on a badass mountaintop.

Because listen to me. Real truth, if it is in fact real, will always end up keeping company with pizza joint menus and toddler crayon art and magnets from the vacation you took seven years ago. It’s just the way things are.

Real truth, people, ends up as a list on your fridge. Here then, my little gift to you, to the world:

1. Your heart will heal itself! 

It doesn’t have time to play games with your mind.

2. Certain people will stop contacting you now, and keep contacting your ex!

That’s actually pretty great.

3. Do things nobody else knows about!

Everyday is about pretty much about how you want to live it, what you want or need to do. Finally, right?

You want pie for breakfast? Again? Whatever. There is no Pie Police here. And guess what? Every slice of pizza. Every single one in the box. They’re all yours. That’s a thing. Also, don’t think of eating your dinner alone as loneliness. Think of it as edible meditation.

Also, if you need to feed the kids mac-n-cheese three nights in a row, no one’s watching. No one knows. You can walk around your place stark naked if the kids aren’t around. And you should.

4. Sex!

You’re having less sex than when you were married. But, not really.

5. Dating!

The people who talk about your divorce behind your back are subtly jealous of the 10,ooo pound sack of freedom you drag around. And, did you know:

There are like six trillion single people on Earth hoping to meet someone.

There are like at least 200 people are Earth hoping to meet someone exactly like you.

There is at least one person on Earth who is thinking about you right this second. If they’re not single or the right sex, the next might be.

All those strange feelings you’re having about dating? It’s fine. You’re not ready. So you’re not missing a damn thing. Whoa whoa whoa? Wait/what?! You do have feelings for someone who is also single? Ha. Cool. Just tell them. So easy.

Every time you mourn what you had, you’re also getting ready for something better. Every time you tell yourself that you’ll never get married again, you should also tell yourself that the person you will marry someday is telling him or herself that exact same thing, at that exact same moment. Life is funny.

When some people here that you are divorced they cringe inside. Screw them. Because lots of other people hear it and understand that, no matter what the outcome,  you were someone willing to take the leap for love. And that’s kind of hot when you think about it.

6. Movies! Music! Television!

The DVR is an extension of your soul now. There’s not a trace of  The Bachelor to mess with your mojo. And the radio in the car is constantly tuned to the right station. Viva divorce!

7. Enlightenment!

No matter how bad or messy or sad your marriage might have become when you were in it, you learned a lot from that. Someday, someone is going to benefit from all that you learned when you were married. Lucky him or her.

If you ever find yourself missing your ex and wondering why it all went wrong, don’t get blue. That’s just you digging your fingers down into a big bucket of possibility, really. You didn’t waste years in a “bad marriage,” man. You were just down at spring training for a long, long time.

If you ever write your own wedding vows again, they’re probably gonna make so much freakin’ sense.

And: What doesn’t kill you makes you better looking. It just does. Think about it.

8. You own the household chores!

You maintain a home all on your own. You build character every time you single-handedly wrestle the overloaded trash bag out of the can. Don’t be afraid to let the dishes sit in the sink an extra day or two every now and then. You’ve earned that right; you ought to take advantage of it.

You could leave your laundry all over the floor now. Still, you don’t. That’s kind of sexy in a way.

9. Your money is … yours!

Your money. With bills and all, it’s still not totally “your money.” But guess what? It sure as hell ain’t your ex’s money anymore, that’s for sure.

10. Kissing!

You might as well tell yourself that you’ll never make out with another human being again. Then, when it happens — which it will — it’s probably going to be even more badass than you can imagine.

First kisses, with someone cooler than a dream, can be sublime. Same with those third kisses and tenth kisses. And you’re going to get to do that again. People are jealous.

11. The future is bright!

You make like four cups of coffee at a clip now instead of six or eight. You’re saving coffee. Somehow, you’re saving the Earth.

No matter what your future holds, no matter where you’re headed in this world, you’ve got miles of mother-in-law experience. That’s huge, my friend.

Whenever the phone rings, there could be epic romance attached to it. That wasn’t happening much when you were married, huh?

Marriage is a love thing. Divorce is a survival thing. So your future is all graffiti’d with love and survival. Nice one.

Listen. You might wake up tomorrow and end up meeting the girl or guy of your damn dreams. And that would’ve been a real pickle if you were still married. Just sayin’.

 

Image: Serge Bielanko Private

 

 

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Article Posted 5 years Ago

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