When we first started dating our spouses, the butterflies were non-stop. For many of us the frequency of butterflies dwindled while the feelings of love remained. Then we got engaged and they returned as we walked around hand in hand with our fiancés excited about the new chapter of our lives with them. Again the flutters became less fluttery until of course, we said I do.
For some couples the honeymoon period was the height of marital bliss. Those first few weeks, months, and years were some of the happiest for couples. Still on the high from getting married arguments were few and far between and comprise felt so easy “sure honey, whatever you want.” “You pick.” “No you pick.” And then life got real, the responsibilities grew and you found yourself tested in ways that everyone said happened despite you perhaps thinking you were the exception. Things such as job losses, the birth of a child, or other outside stresses can all cause the butterflies in your stomach to cease to fly and the sparks that once filled your marriage to go out.
And while the causes for a loss in spark vary from couple to couple the reality is that many couples struggle to get it back. But perhaps it is simpler than we think. What if getting the spark back in your marriage doesn’t require you to move mountains but to make just enough effort to bring back the butterflies and get the spark going again. Here are 12 ways to get the spark back in your marriage:
1. Revisit a special place
Visit the place where you first met, went on your first date, where you two got engaged or maybe where you first whispered the words “I love you.” Be sure to pick a place that holds special meaning for you both.
2. Watch a movie or old TV show that you both love
So maybe you like romantic comedies and he likes action movies, even so there’s got to be at least one movie that you both like or that holds a touch of nostalgia for you. After you put the kids to bed curl up and watch it.
3. Watch your old wedding video
Recently we watched a portion of our wedding my uncle had recorded. It wasn’t a professional video but it captured the most magical parts of our wedding the reading of our vows and our first dance. Watching it had me in tears. I was able to see the happiness that graced our faces. We knew then that the two of us had a good thing. It was a sweet reminder of the fact that we still have a good thing.
4. Read your vows
Rereading your vows is an excellent way to remember why you chose to spend your life with the person you married, particularly during the hard times. I’ve spoken to the notion of remembering your vows. Each time I read them I find myself filled with warm happy feelings and a reaffirmed appreciation for my husband.
5. Play your song
It could be the song you danced to on your wedding day or a song that always reminded you of each other.
6. Look at old photos
I love stumbling upon old photos of my husband and me. It is a reminder of how much we have grown over the years. The best part is we’ve grown together. Looking at photos of the happy times might remind you that all relationships go through their ups and downs. The key is to get through them. Looking at old photos might motivate you to put in the work to get back to those times again.
7. Go on a fancy date
Go someplace that requires you to get fancy. Put on your heels and wear something that makes you feel sexy! Make an effort to go on regular date nights if possible.
8. Plan a weekend adventure
If you can, take the children to grandma’s house and plan a romantic weekend just the two of you. Use your time together to reconnect without any distractions.
9. Say it with words
Write a love letter or send a sexy text message.
10. Try something different
I’m not saying change who you are but be open to trying something new. Wear a bright bold color, wear a flowy summer dress that reveals just enough of your sun kissed skin to get his attention, change your hairstyle or try a bold lipstick color.
11. Make love
Have more sex (aka make love)! But be spontaneous, have it during the day instead of at night or if you two are home alone take it out of the bedroom.
12. Talk and listen
Show interest in your spouse’s day. Greet them with a hug or kiss when they come home and ask them how their day was. In general take the time to check in with them and see what’s on their mind and to let them know that you are here for them.
What are other ways that can help a couple get the spark back in their marriage?