Today marks my 9th wedding anniversary and after 14 years together, my husband and I have been through a lot together. I don’t think anything tested or changed our relationship more than adding children to our family and it’s clear to me why some couples don’t survive through those first few years with young kids. We’ve been through ups and downs in our relationship and especially when it came to our mood after having a baby.
Your love life isn’t doomed after you add children into your family though and I can attest to that. We have three young children at home and expecting our 4th and while things have changed from time-to-time, we’ve learned how to grow together and more importantly, how to communicate what we’re feeling.
Getting back in the love groove after having kids is not always simple, but there are a few tips that have helped me personally in the past 7 or 8 years on how to get that spark back and I have a feeling they’ll work for you too.
Click through to read 15 ways you can help get back in the mood after having a baby:
15 Tips For Getting Back In the Mood After Having a Baby 1 of 15
If you've lost that groove or loving feeling after welcoming a baby into your family, here are some tips on how to get it back.
Get Alone Time 2 of 15
To be happy and healthy, we all need some alone time. Book a day at the spa once every few months or go on a date by yourself. It will help relieve some stress and rejuvenate your spirit.
Both Be Involved With The Everyday Things 3 of 15
If only one of you is caring for the baby, you're more likely to get worn out quicker, and you could be resentful. Make sure you're both actively involved the the everyday things like cleaning, caring for the baby, and other things that make the household run.
Start and Exercise Regime 4 of 15
Exercising helps you feel better -- it just does! Just going for a walk 20 minutes a day (and that could be done with a baby) can help get your mind in a better place, which is important if you're trying to find that spark.
Talk to Your Partner 5 of 15
Talking to your partner about everyday things can help keep you connected, but it's equally as important to talk about your reservations. Discuss your fears, hopes, and what you can both do together to make this transition easier.
Talk to Your Doctor 6 of 15
There are some things, postpartum, that could keep your mood from coming back. I was breastfeeding my youngest child and found out I had very low estrogen which was adding to my lack of mood. Talk to your doctor about what's going on -- they may be able to help.
Get Creative 7 of 15
Take things out of the typical "in bed at night" routine you usually have and think outside the dark bedroom. Adding spice to your life by trying new things -- even as simple as during the day or in the bathroom -- can make a big difference.
Give Yourself Some Time 8 of 15
You don't want to rush things after you have a baby. We all know that you're supposed to wait until you get your doctor's OK, and it's okay to even wait a little longer than that. Give yourself time.
Kiss and Hold Hands 9 of 15
If you're not in the mood or able to go all the way right now, the best way to keep connected and build up that spark is to kiss and hold hands again. There are ways to show interest and intimacy without running all the bases so don't discount their importance.
Go On a Date 10 of 15
Just as important is booking some alone time with your partner -- hire a babysitter and get out once a month if you can.
Schedule It 11 of 15
I know everyone prefers the spontaneous kind, but sometimes, just to get over that block, you need to schedule it in. You won't have to do that all the time, but once in a while can really help get it back.
Be Prepared 12 of 15
One issue that is not uncommon after having a baby for women is dryness. I know it doesn't sound cute, but it all goes back to that low estrogen. One way you can combat this, which is often why women find sex after having a baby painful, is to make sure you're prepared for that. Don't shy away from using lubrication because it really can make a huge difference.
Also read: Vagina changes after childbirth on NHS
Relaxation Aids 13 of 15
If you're nervous about jumping back into bed, ease into it. Have a glass of wine and take a bubble bath together. Relaxing is the key and so important.
Lay Off the Pressure 14 of 15
The last thing you want to get in the mood is all the pressure. That's probably going to have the opposite effect if you're anything like me, so try to ease off.
Focus on the Positive 15 of 15
One big issue I had about getting back in the mood after having a baby was I was not happy with the way I looked after having a baby. Instead of focusing on what you don't like -- focus and highlight the positives on what you do like. There's got to be a few things and if you can't think of anything, I am sure your partner could help list them off for you.
Photo credits: photostock