10 Ways to Prevent Outside Influences from Ruining Your Marriage

There are so many things that have the ability to influence you in your marriage. Let’s face it, the way we grew up, what we saw in our parents’ relationship(s), our past dating relationships, our BFFs , and even our church families all can influence us and our decision making.  And sometimes, these things can cause stress on a marriage and a rift between spouses.

I learned this the hard way after Lamar and I were married. Not only do we have a blended family, but we also have done a few things that many people would say are “out of the box” ….like packing up our family and moving to Georgia and resigning from well paying jobs to take our business to the next level and to pursue our passions.  And you can imagine that the peanut gallery had all sorts of things to say about that.  Lamar resigned first.  And I heard things like: are you sure you know what you are doing and your husband needs a job…..etc.

But those folks did not know our goals…they could not see our vision. And so they started expressing their concerns (and in some case negativity) about our plans. They were planting seeds of doubt.  And if you are not careful, those seeds of doubt can take root and can cause trouble in your marriage.

Check out these things that you can do to prevent outside influences from ruining your marriage:

  • Remember that Marriage is not One Size Fits All 1 of 10
    Remember that Marriage is not One Size Fits All
    Marriage is not one size fits have to do what's right for you and your spouse. So if you want to quit your job to be a stay at home dad/mom, or live in a small apartment in the city, or homeschool your kids, or take your wife's last name, or not take your husband's last name, or have no kids, or have 10 kids, then do it. Photo Credit: Andrey Kiselev
  • Communicate! Don’t let seeds of doubt take root. 2 of 10
    Communicate! Don't let seeds of doubt take root.
    You have to be careful not to let the seeds of doubt that other's may have about your spouse or your goals take root. Because consciously you could be saying: " I don't care what they say." But subconsciously, you could be starting to second guess yourself and your spouse. This could manifest itself when you least expect it. You may start questioning your spouse or you may not be willing to move forward with your plans without hesitation. The best way to deal with this is to communicate with with your spouse. Let your spouse know when you have concerns so that you can address them together. Photo Credit: Kuntal
  • Set Goals that You both Agree with. 3 of 10
    Set Goals that You both Agree with.
    Make sure that the goals that you set for your marriage and family are something that you both agree with and that mutually benefits each of you. This will allow you to stand strong when opposition comes your way. When other's see cracks in your foundation..they will want to try to "fix" them. Photo Credit: Jaimie Duplass
  • This is not a democracy…other folks do not get a vote. 4 of 10
    This is not a democracy...other folks do not get a vote.
    Your mama, your daddy, your sister, and your best friend do not get to vote on your marital decisions. You are the King and Queen! Photo Credit: easaab
  • Remember that You’re a Team! 5 of 10
    Remember that You're a Team!
    Operate as a team both inside the home and outside of the home. Work together and support each other on your individual endeavors as well as your common goals. Photo Credit: iofoto
  • Work on disagreements at home. 6 of 10
    Work on disagreements at home.
    You are not always going to agree with each other. But when it comes to important marital decisions or issues, you need to work on them together at home. For instance, when having dinner with friends....having them weigh in on your problems and take sides may not be the best idea. Photo Credit: Philip Date
  • Find friends of your marriage. 7 of 10
    Find friends of your marriage.
    A friend of your marriage is a person that is rooting and praying for your marriage to succeed. When you have problems, they are not judging...they want to listen and help you find solutions. They will allow you to vent...but they will not jump in and try to add extra sauce "negativity" to your situation. ("Yeah girl...I always knew your husband was a bum" are not words that a friend of your marriage would say.) And they will tell you when you are wrong and when you need to get your butt home to work on your marriage. Photo Credit: juliaf
  • Find a marriage mentor or counselor. 8 of 10
    Find a marriage mentor or counselor.
    As I stated before, there are some things you and your spouse may not be able to figure out on your own. Find someone trustworthy that can help you work on your problems. Photo Credit: CJM Grafx
  • Don’t talk negatively about your spouse. 9 of 10
    Don't talk negatively about your spouse.
    Author Eric Payne says it perfectly in a post titled, Making Enemies Out Of Friends With Your Words:  "You can never be too careful with the negative words you speak about the ones you love. There is nothing worse than hearing words you've spoken in moments of anger about your loved one spoken as opinion by friends, family and/or even your children. So before a potentially embarrassing and irreparable situation occurs, make sure you've done your part to ensure it doesn't happen: Watch your mouth! And watch who you're mouthing off to!"  Photo Credit: Kristina Afanasyeva
  • Set Boundaries 10 of 10
    Set Boundaries
    Amy Morin, LCSW, says:  "Parents and in-laws can play a big role in marital satisfaction. The boundaries you set, or don't set, will impact your relationship in many ways. A lack of boundaries can certainly cause a lot of marital strife and sadly, can lead to divorce. There are lots of reasons why people don't set boundaries with their parents. Sometimes it is a lack of understanding of healthy boundaries. Someone who grew up in a really enmeshed family may not think it's intrusive for his parents to want to be involved in the major decisions in the marriage. However, if his spouse has different ideas, it can lead to a lot of conflict." Check out 3 Healthy Boundaries to Set with Your Parents after You're Married. Photo Credit: Jade

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Article Posted 3 years Ago

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