23 Ways to Keep The Butterflies in Your Marriage

When Lamar and I first started dating, just thinking about him made me smile from ear to ear. And honey…when that man walked into the room I had no control over my body. Any effort to hold back my smile was thwarted by how brightly my eyes lit up. The way he said my name made me blush. We touched, we giggled, we flirted with each other and eventually we got married. Let’s face it, I had a serious case of the butterflies for my sweetie.

When we got married, we had an instant blended family with my two kids. Picture a few butterflies floating away as we dealt with blended family challenges. We had two more kids, a mini van car payment, we built a new home and we had two very challenging careers. Picture more butterflies flying away as we dealt with the every day hustle and bustle of life.

Don’t get me wrong, the love that I have for my husband grows stronger each year that we are together. But I don’t want our fun, our passion, and our flirting to fly away. I quickly realized that if I wanted the butterflies to stay…that I (we) would have to do something about it.

Being married does not mean that you have to live a life without butterflies because you can have them with your spouse. Check out 23 ways that will help you keep the butterflies or get them back.

  • #1. Flirt with each other 1 of 23
    #1. Flirt with each other
    Flirt with each other using frisky smiles, sassy talk, and playful glances and touches. These are the same tricks you used when you were first dating. Photo Credit: starush
  • #2. Brush up on your French kissing. 2 of 23
    #2. Brush up on your French kissing.
    That's right I said it: the tongue!! There is nothing more passionate than a long kiss with the one you love. Make it a habit to have a prolonged kiss with your spouse each day (ie bust the slob) And yes, we still do that! Photo Credit: Mat Hayward
  • #3. Send each other sext messages 3 of 23
    #3. Send each other sext messages
    Send your spouse a frisky email or text message about what you are going to do to him/her tonight. It's up to you how far you will take this. But, make sure that you keep the security lock on your phone or computer. Photo Credit: Kathy D
  • #4. Change your attitude 4 of 23
    #4. Change your attitude
    Start thinking positively about your spouse instead of focusing on the negatives. Make it a point, each day, to think positive thoughts about your spouse. Photo Credit: T.Tulic
  • #5. Define your love languages 5 of 23
    #5. Define your love languages
    Taking from Dr. Gary Chapman's book The 5 Love Languages, find out how your spouse needs to feel loved. Make it a point to demonstrate love to your spouse in his/her love language, not yours. Photo Credit: Book Cover 5 Love Languages
  • #6. Daydream about your spouse. 6 of 23
    #6. Daydream about your spouse.
    Make your spouse the leading man/woman in your fantasies. Photo Credit: Gözde Otman
  • #7. Reminisce about the good times 7 of 23
    #7. Reminisce about the good times
    Take every opportunity to walk down memory lane with your spouse and talk about the fun times you had together (especially if that fun time was last night.) Photo Credit: Gary White
  • #8. Take a short break from each other 8 of 23
    #8. Take a short break from each other
    The saying, absence makes the heart grow fonder, can be be true. Whenever my husband and I have a short business trip away, I immediately start to miss him. We have the best phone conversations when one of us is one a road trip. And, we have the best welcome home receptions (wink wink) Photo Credit: Andrey Andreev
  • #9. Pray together. 9 of 23
    #9. Pray together.
    Trust me, there is nothing more sexy than a spouse that is praying with and for his/her family. Praying and worshiping together can take your relationship to another level of intimacy. Photo Credit: Horton Group
  • #10. Love yourself 10 of 23
    #10. Love yourself
    When you love yourself, when you are confident, and when you feel sexy, then you are going to be free and open to give love to your spouse and to receive love from your spouse. Photo Credit: biyofoto
  • #11. Let some things slide. 11 of 23
    #11. Let some things slide.
    That's right, sometimes you have to let some things go from your list, so that you can take some time to relax and enjoy your spouse. Photo Credit: Adam Borkowski
  • #12. Continue to date 12 of 23
    #12. Continue to date
    It's very important that couples have a regular date night; a time set aside to focus on each other and to enjoy each other. Photo Credit: Lotus Head
  • #13. Have some me time 13 of 23
    #13. Have some me time
    Spend some time each day to focus on yourself, to de-stress, and to attend to your own personal and emotional needs. For me personally, when I am stressed I am not in the mood for any flirting, touching, hugging or anything else. When I take some time to de-stress, I am more open to loving my husband. Photo Credit: Jaimie Duplass
  • #14. Get touchy feely 14 of 23
    #14. Get touchy feely
    Lamar and I can't pass each other in the hall, the kitchen, or anywhere without touching each other. And, yes..some of our touches are inappropriate...more like gropes. Photo Credit: Adam Borkowski
  • #15. Be Best Friends 15 of 23
    #15. Be Best Friends
    You tell your best friend your secrets, you want to spend your free time with your best friend, you make up with your best friend after arguments. How awesome would it be for your spouse to be that best friend? Lamar is my best friend and my go to person for any and everything in my life. Photo Credit Pavel Losevsky
  • #16. Have inside jokes and secrets. 16 of 23
    #16. Have inside jokes and secrets.
    There is nothing cuter (and to some people more sickening) than a couple with an inside joke or secret. They are snickering and giving each other looks and sharing a little piece of insignificant information. The keyword here is sharing. Photo Credit: Clint Haimerl
  • #17. Talk to each other. 17 of 23
    #17. Talk to each other.
    That's right. Take some time to really talk to each other on a regular basis. Find out how things are going at work, find out the latest gossip about your spouse's family, discuss your goals and dreams. Communication is the key to any successful relationship. Photo Credit: Aliaksandr Zabudzko
  • #18.Surprise Your Spouse 18 of 23
    #18.Surprise Your Spouse
    Surprise your spouse with gifts from time to time: candy, flowers, something your spouse has been wanting but has not taken the time to purchase. Photo Credit: Charles Thompson
  • #19 Respect each other 19 of 23
    #19 Respect each other
    One surefire way to lose some butterflies is to be disrespectful, mean, and nasty to your spouse. Even when things get stressful and even when you have a disagreement, remember to always treat your spouse respectfully.
  • #20 Realize there are different types of butterflies. 20 of 23
    #20 Realize there are different types of butterflies.
    Literally, there are tens of thousands of different species of butterflies. Maybe I don't have the same type of butterflies that I had when we first started dating: those feelings of newness and that anticipation that I had when I first wanted him to kiss me and touch me. But now, I get the butterflies just knowing that he is all mine. I see him walking up and I still smile from ear to ear because he's mine and no one else is getting that loving but me. Photo Credit: Oleg Berlov
  • #21 Help each other. 21 of 23
    #21 Help each other.
    You want to give your spouse butterflies...try helping them with something that they are working on. Try supporting their dreams! Photo Credit: Peter Baxter
  • #22 Take care of your business 22 of 23
    #22 Take care of your business
    Hands down...seeing my spouse take care of his responsibilities, taking care of his family and putting us first keeps the butterflies in my life!! Photo Credit: Allen Penton
  • #23. Put in the work. 23 of 23
    #23. Put in the work.
    Don't let life chase your butterflies away. Do whatever you have to do to keep the connection, the intimacy and the passion in your marriage. Photo Credit: Fons Reijsbergen

What other ideas do you have for keeping the butterflies?

Article Posted 4 years Ago

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