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40 Thoughts Every Wife Has Before a Romantic Weekend

Image Source: Lori Garcia
Image Source: Lori Garcia

Last weekend my husband and I took a mini vacation from parenthood to hit the open road like a couple of lovesick honeymooners. To say I’ve been looking forward to this grown-up getaway would be an understatement. 49 days into summer with kid sidekicks had me seriously jonesing for 48 hours of glorious silence, undisturbed slumber, and fully prepared meals.

But this welcomed break would be about more than finding my sanity. It would be an opportunity for my husband and I to focus solely on each other, like some sort of epic throwback to the way things used to be. But in all honesty, I found the idea of such a romantic rendezvous both thrilling and slightly terrifying.

Things were different now. We were different now.

What would we talk about?

What would we do?

What if I wasn’t as fun and spontaneous as I used to be?

What if the weekend was a bust?

Staring down at the compartments of my empty suitcase, I panicked. Packing for sentimental possibility felt weird. Up in my head and completely overwhelmed, I reached out to a few girlfriends to talk me through the whole “old married couple goes on a frisky frolicking adventure” thing. And wouldn’t you know, they too, shared the following silly but oh-so-serious thoughts before a sweet escape; take a look!

1. Finally! Some alone time with my favorite guy!

2. It’ll be just like when we were young and child-free!

3. It’ll be nice to just talk — really talk — about our hopes and dreams. (Oh yeah, remind him about the leaky toilet in the kids’ bathroom.)

4. You know what would be kinda great? If we made out like we used to. Hee-hee!

5. I bet he has great sexpectations.

6. I hope he doesn’t ask me to do that thing. There isn’t enough alcohol in. the. world.

7. Ugh, I’m tired just thinking about it.

8. But I’m a woman. And sleep sex is fun. Sleep Sex is fun. Sleep Sex is fun.

9. Sex is fun!

10. Maybe I’ll wear sexy outfits the whole entire vacation, starting with lingerie!

11. Now where is it? I swore I used to have some.

12. Oh, here it is *ahem*. Four score and two kids ago …

13. Does any of this stuff still fit?

14. Ow. Ow. Ow. Huh? Help! GAH.

15. Is a thong supposed to give you a headache?

16. I should probably groom some. Or a lot. A whole lot.

17. WHY AM I SWEATING?!

18. Keep it together, girl.

19. You are a goddess. I AM A GODDESS.

20. But, it’s not about sex. It’s about togetherness.

21. Does he know it’s not about sex?

22. You know what’s sexy? Free wi-fi.

23. And a good book.

24. And an in-room coffee maker.

25. And my husband! I mean, of course!

26. Oh, the adventures we’ll have!

27. We’ll laugh.

28. We’ll cry.

29. We’ll reminisce.

30. We’ll hold hands and take long walks … unless of course it’s too hot, or too cold, or too humid, or these new shoes hurt too much.

31. It’ll be so fun!

32. I’m as young and spirited as I ever was.

33. So is he.

34. We’re totally the same as we used to be …

35. … at least in all the ways that matter.

36. (I mean, I assume we are.)

37. Do you think they have a drink service by the pool?

38. What if we spend the whole time talking about the kids?

39. Gee, I hope the kids are good for Grandma.

40. Do you think Grandma knows we’re going to have sex? ::SHUDDER::

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Article Posted 4 years Ago

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