I’ve seen it before. Friends get involved with a man and their identity is no longer theirs. Their personality shifts into that of their significant other. They start enjoying the Boston Patriots and not only because of Tom Brady’s hotness.
Then there’s the use of the word “we.” Some women “we” their friends to death. And it must stop! Not just because it irritates me and my single status (I am now a “me” due to committing to one of the types of men single women date before tying the knot), but because you may lose your identity.
Even though a study showed that inclusive pronouns like “we,” “our” and “us” versus “I,” “me” and “you” show marital satisfaction, a former study in 1963 showed that women can go through an identity crisis when they don’t have their own lives outside of marriage. Betty Friedan talked to hundreds of women who were depressed because they began to feel they had no personality.
But, I am not here to knock down the women who are in love. I am so happy that my friends love their men so much that they want to spend every minute of the day with them. Still, as Eckhart Tolle said, “When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world.” So, let’s get back in touch with the “you” in your relationships. Here are five ways to be in a relationship and still be you.
5 Ways to Keep Your Identity in a Relationship 1 of 6
Being "you" is just as important as being part of a "we." Check out the slideshow on how you can keep your identity in a relationship! Photo Credit: Sujeiry Gonzalez.
Go Out with Friends 2 of 6
Friendships shouldn't end because you are now in a committed relationship. Continue having gal time even if you have to schedule a brunch date once a month ala Sex and the City. Photo Credit: Sujeiry Gonzalez.
Schedule Me Time 3 of 6
You are married and have kids. So why am I talking about "me" time? Because it is important. Take time every day (even if it's just 30 minutes in the shower) to be with you. This way you don't get as overwhelmed with life and you can tap into your needs and desires. Photo Credit: Sujeiry Gonzalez.
Mix Your Friends with His Friends 4 of 6
I love having a man who loves to bring our groups of friends together. Instead of it being just the two of you all the time, invite all your friends over for a game night or a themed party. And not just your married friends! Photo Credit: Sujeiry Gonzalez.
Write a Letter to Yourself Reminding You of Personal Goals 5 of 6
This letter is about you and what you want to do with your life. So, don't talk about a college fund for your kids or a vacation for two in Hawaii. What do you want to do for you? Be selfish for once, woman! Or as I like to put it - be "self-first." Photo Credit: Sujeiry Gonzalez.
Hobbies for One 6 of 6
Take a yoga class, go to a winefest, or join a karaoke Meetup group. Just find something to do that is just for you and that taps into your own interests. Photo Credit: Sujeiry Gonzalez.