7 Habits That May Be Keeping Me Single

I’ve been single for seven months. Although I don’t expect to enter into a relationship right after a breakup, I should be dating more often than I am. I’m over my ex, so an aching heart isn’t stopping me from mingling. I’ve actually been on plenty of dates. One guy here. One guy there. But nothing consistent. And I wonder, am I doing something wrong?

I believe in accepting responsibility for my choices. I know that I have chosen the wrong men, the wrong relationships. Maybe I still am. Perhaps I have to work on some habits and break patterns that still exist when I date.

I’ve been candid about my pattern of dating emotionally unavailable men, as well as my love of bartenders and their love for me. I did meet a bartender this year. Just a few weeks into 2014, I met him at a bar (he was not serving, however), and he asked for my number. I gave it to him even though I was leaving Los Angeles two weeks later. I knew it wouldn’t lead anywhere. So why did I give him my number at all?

That is one of the many habits that is keeping me single, along with the following.

  • Habits Are Hard to Break 1 of 8
    90 Days

    They say it takes 90 days to start a new habit. Maybe I need to set the clock to break some of these!


    Photo Credit: 

  • Giving the Wrong Men My Number 2 of 8
    Red Telephone British

    Sometimes I give a guy my number when I shouldn't. Not because I am not attracted to him. I never give my number to get rid of a man. Usually these men are just not serious about being in a relationship. They play games. They want to "chill." Often times they are bad news, and I know it. I must stop this in 2014.


    Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons

  • Negative Attitude Toward Online Dating 3 of 8

    I have tried online dating numerous times. Often times I have had a negative attitude toward the process. I believe that if you go into any situation with negative energy or doubt, you will have a negative experience. If I don't think I will meet my guy online, I won't. And I am wasting my precious time and money. I will turn my attitude around this year. I'm already doing better on a new online dating site. 


    Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons

  • Finding Only Flaws 4 of 8

    Flaws are so much easier to pinpoint than the good qualities. Whether I don't like a man's teeth or I feel he's too arrogant, I obsess over these qualities. I remember dating a guy who was very sweet, but I could not get past his huge beer belly. Every time we'd hang out, I'd notice it. Needless to say, that relationship did not last. If I stopped focusing on his flaws, maybe it would have.


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  • Dating the Same Kind of Guy 5 of 8

    I usually date Latino men who work in the hospitality industry. I have also dated college students, younger men and many educators. Their professions say a lot about who they are. They are either still working on their careers, don't know what they want to do with their lives, or are stressed and underpaid. I usually become their cheerleader, their support system. It is rarely reciprocated. Maybe if I met men who were more put together professionally and emotionally, my relationships would last. I just have to chose differently and not try to save men.


    Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons

  • Too Much Alone Time 6 of 8
    Beautiful Woman Eating Dinner Alone

    When I lived in Los Angeles, I spent a lot of time alone. Spending time alone is great for the soul, but not for relationships. Like the cliche goes, you're not going to meet anyone by sitting on your couch. That's right. So this year I vow to mingle and explore what NYC has to offer.


    Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons

  • Not Expanding My Social Circle 7 of 8
    Girls Team

    If I keep hanging out with the same friends, I probably won't meet anyone new. My circle is tight. We know each other's family and friends, none which are single. I won't dump my friends. I love my friends. But I need to meet more people so I get to know their people. Meeting a man through a friend of a friend (and maybe even a friend of that friend) is a great place to start.


    Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons

  • Maybe I Am Too Selective 8 of 8
    7 Habits That May Be Keeping Me Single

    I know that I am picky. I have a very specific type of male that I am attracted to physically. I am trying to shake it off because looks are not everything. But there's something about a man with a goatee that turns me on (and other physical attributes, too!) I have to expand my horizons. I know that I do. Being too selective won't get me a relationship.


    Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons

Read more by Sujeiry Gonzalez and get relationship advice on Be sure to follow her on FacebookTwitterInstagram and Pinterest.


Article Posted 3 years Ago

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