I will never forget my first heartbreak. In fact I will never forget any of them. Why? Because each time it somehow felt like my world was ending. As a teenager I would sob, experience a loss of appetite and curl into a ball, and even as a young adult when my now husband and I broke up I did the same thing. The only difference was that I hid it better because it wasn’t just me anymore. Being a mom and an adult with responsibilities I didn’t get to play hooky from work, refrain from showering and sit on the couch watching Lifetime movies or crying to the tune of old love songs. I had to keep going.
Being a mother helped me further understand that life doesn’t stop for you to grieve. Whether it’s the lost of a relationship or something far worse you have to keep going. My child needed her mother which meant late night conversations with friends or pep talks on the way to work and during my lunch breaks had to suffice. But in the process of everything I also learned something else. Looking back at each and every heartbreak I could see an underlying theme: I got through it.
I cried, I got angry, I deleted old text messages and did whatever I needed to do in order to heal and move forward. And each and every time I got through it. I learned that my heart was strong enough — enough to push through the pain associated with a break up and heal even when in the moment it felt like it never would. I learned that the pain of a heartbreak, though seemingly excruciating, doesn’t last forever even when it feels like it will.
An article by Your Tango identified some tips on what to do if the guy you are seeing disappears on you but the tips can help even if your ex didn’t go MIA. Here are 8 tips that can to be helpful in getting through a breakup:
1. STAY BUSY
If you haven’t figured out what makes you tick now’s the time. Try new things and fill your time with whatever you feel is a good use of it. Clean, workout, volunteer or start taking a class. Stay busy in an effort to discourage yourself from contacting your ex.
2. DON’T STALK
Take a break from social media. Avoid looking at your ex’s Facebook page or checking up on him via Twitter or Instagram. Allow yourself the space to get over them.
3. BE SAD
Allow yourself to grieve. If you are sad be sad. If you need to cry, cry. But realize that once the tears stop it’s important to move forward with your life. One day at a time or even one hour at a time if that’s what it takes.
4. AVOID THE USUAL SPOTS
Resist the urge to go to some of the places the two of you used to frequent together or going someplace where you know you will run into your ex. Again, give yourself the space to begin the process of healing and moving on.
5. LEARN SOMETHING
Don’t let your heartbreak be in vain. Allow your experience to facilitate increased self awareness and a chance to work toward self improvement.
6. TURN OFF THE TELEVISION AND RADIO
If listening to love songs or watching romance movies is going to make you feel worse don’t do it. If you need to listen to something try a “breakup anthem” that will make you feel empowered not sad and watch a movie that will make you laugh or feel inspired.
7. SURROUND YOURSELF WITH LOVE AND SUPPORT
When you’re ready, surround yourself with people you love and who love you back. Be around people who can help remind you of your greatness in the event you may be struggling to see it.
8. REMEMBER THIS ISN’T FOREVER
Remember heartbreaks aren’t forever. This is just one moment in time. You will get through it.