To the Woman My Husband Left Me For

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You don’t know me, but you will. You’ve been married to my ex-husband for five years, and you have two children with him; two adorable little girls. And it’s probably a little strange that I even know that, but after my husband disappeared, leaving me and our two kids behind, I needed to know where he went.

He went with you, and not long after, you brought your daughters into this world.

I don’t want to like you. I wish I were bigger than that, but I can’t help it. Your husband — the father of your children — well, he was the father of mine first. He was my husband, and although I can admit now that we were not meant to be together, my children did not deserve what he did to them.

He left them, to go make children with you. And five years later, he has never contacted them once.

He abandoned them.

My children became fatherless, while he chose to father again.

We’ve struggled. We went hungry, and we cried ourselves to sleep. He left me with no income, because I had spent my years at home, taking care of the family that he helped to create; right up until he walked out the door.

In these last five years, I have held the hand of a little girl who cried out for a father who never returned, and I have had to learn to teach my son how to be a man. I have struggled to do everything on my own, while you got everything we were supposed to have.

So, I wanted to hate you, but I wasn’t sure if you even knew that I existed. Come next week though, I’m sure you will.

I am taking your husband to court, because he doesn’t pay child support for the two kids he had first. He told the judge last time that your family — his new family — didn’t have the money to also support my kids, and that is why he can’t pay. He begged the judge not to take money away from his new children, to give to his first.

I hated him for that, and in turn I hated you, because you brought forth those kids, who have unintentionally stolen from mine.
Have your children ever gone hungry? Been fatherless? Cried for a man that isn’t there?

Mine have, because that man is with you.

I have laid awake at night wondering what kind of woman you must be to have done this to children — to my children.
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So yes, I want to hate you. I want to think that you know what he is doing to us, and that you are helping him hide. I have laid awake at night wondering what kind of woman you must be to have done this to children — to my children. I have wanted to destroy your life and be a kind of crazy that you only see on TV.

But I won’t.

I won’t do that to you, because I don’t know you. And I don’t know what you actually know.

What I do know is that before I even knew you existed, my marriage was filled with lies — lies that he was so good at telling. For a long time, I didn’t know about his double life, because he made sure to keep me in the dark.

Maybe you are in the dark now, too.

Maybe he told you that I’m crazy, and evil, and that I keep his children from him. He has probably told you that I left him, and kicked him out of the house, which is a pretty good guess, considering I’ve now learned that the woman who “left him” before me was actually left by him, too.

I really hope that you are not next.

And maybe that does make me crazy, because I don’t want you to hurt. I don’t want to make your life difficult and I never want to see your children cry the way mine have. I don’t want to take away what you need him to give your kids, but I have no choice, because he took it away from mine first.

I want to hate you, but I can’t, because just as you don’t know me, I’m sure that I don’t know you. In fact, the only thing that we really know about each other is what we have learned through the very same man.

I will try not to hold that against you, and mother-to-mother, I would hope that you are willing to do the same for me. You and I share more than the same last name, and a memory of saying “I Do” while looking into the very same eyes. We both have children with the very same man, and they are siblings, whether we like it or not.

I want to hate you, but I can’t, because you are the mother of my children’s sisters, and I know that we both just want the very best for our kids.

So to the woman who is making my life more difficult, and the woman whose life is about to get more difficult because of me, I am so sorry that he is making us do this to each other; especially when we really don’t know each other at all.


Your Husband’s First Wife.

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Article Posted 2 years Ago

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