When you ask a woman what does she think a man needs, you can probably guess what most say. S-E-X. But that may not be so. At least it may not be number 1, 2, or 3. If that isn’t it, then what is at the top of the list?
My wife and I have been married for 12 years, and we’ve learned a lot about one another through our marriage. We’ve also learned a lot about ourselves. As our relationship has matured, so have we, and we’ve started to narrow down some things. We know what is important and what is not as important. And honestly, I’ve been surprised about how my needs have changed over the years.
But through all of my growth there have been three things that have remained a constant need. Early on I didn’t realize it, but now I think I’m starting to see it.
1) A man needs respect
Many of the biggest conflicts among men and in relationships are rooted in a lack of respect. Or a perceived lack of respect. I’m a Bible reader and believe the Bible is the best place to go if you want to know how to have a successful marriage. Here is what it says a wife is to do for her husband.
The wife is to respect her husband her husband. (Ephesians 5:33)
That was one of the things that attracted me to my wife when we were dating. She respected me. She listened, she encouraged me, she had her own mind and ideas, but it never kept her from respecting me even when I didn’t always deserve it.
2) A man needs peace
You don’t hear the words “drama,” “drama king,” or anything close to drama when you talk about men. When you think of somebody who likes drama, they are usually referred to as a drama queen. Why? Because men don’t do drama. I’m not saying all women do, but there is a reason we have all heard the words “drama” and “queen” associated.
Men need a peaceful environment and place to unwind. Constant drama will push them away. It will lead to conflict or cut off. Men will do all they can to avoid drama. Without a peaceful environment, he is going to feel like his needs are not getting met. Relationships crumble when needs are not being met.
3) A man needs an outlet
As a husband and father, I have a lot of responsibility. I fully accept it, embrace it, and do my best. But sometimes the constant challenges that come with it all can be a heavy load. And sometimes I just need to let loose. I need to mentally and emotionally get away from it all, in a way that doesn’t negatively impact my family.
Men need an outlet. This is one reason why sports are so popular. That day of football on Saturday or Sunday gets them away for just enough time. The golf outings with their buddies do the same. If a man is on all the time and in the trenches all the time, frustrations will follow. And all who are connected to him will feel it.
The magic formula for meeting a married man’s needs
Meeting a married man’s needs can be accomplished with more than just sex. Sex is a need, a big one. But sex alone won’t always give you the best relationship you can have.
Keep up the sex, lots of it, all the time, as much as he needs. More importantly respect him, help make his environment peaceful, and encourage him to find an outlet. Everything else will come naturally.
Do you agree? Are these the primary things a married man needs from his wife?