Confession: I Am Not Attracted to Attractive Men

Image source: Monica Bielanko
Image source: Monica Bielanko

I can’t really pinpoint when I realized that super hot guys don’t do it for me — but I think it was somewhere in the calamitous landscape of my mid-20s. Up until then, much like every other red-blooded female, I was drawn to traditionally attractive men — chiseled features, dark hair, blue eyes.

You know, the usual hot guy stuff.

I was a sucker for the first guy who fit the bill. He was, of course, a player. And I knew it! But it didn’t matter because holy crap, he was gorgeous. All he had to do was look me in the eye, tuck a stray hair behind my ear and all would be forgiven, such is the magic of beauty.

Somewhere along the way though, I figured it out. I realized that, generally speaking, super-attractive men have a certain attitude that turns me off. It’s barely even their fault. It just comes with the territory of being universally admired all the time. There is an unattractive awareness of their attractiveness. You follow?

I’ve dated and been friends with some really beautiful men and, in my humble experience, when a man has been generously gifted in the looks department he is decidedly less so in the personality department. I can only surmise that it must be that attractive people have to work less hard in life to make things happen? I’ve found that quirky, less-traditionally attractive men work harder, are smarter and are almost always funnier and, these days, a sense of humor is at the top of my list. If you can make me laugh, you’re golden.

I think Jana Pollock is onto something  when she talks about “ugly hot dudes” on Portable:

“An ugly hot guy may not be considered “hot” by conventional standards; we’re not talking about Brad Pitt here. These men have never been described as heartthrobs. What they possess is something deeper and more compelling; their “hotness” is derived from the vibes they give off. Sexy vibes.”

Fact: Men who are different-looking or have weirdish features make me weak in the knees. Because that weirdishness is usually accompanied by aforementioned sexy vibes and a killer personality.

Think Adrien Brody, Jason Schwartzman, Bill Murray, James Gandolfini, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Paul Giamatti, Sean Penn, Giovanni Ribisi, Jack Black, Seth Rogan, Jon Stewart, Jerry Seinfeld, Benicio Del Toro or even, dare I say, Steve Buscemi.

Hot guys can be sexy too, you’re saying. Sure. They can. George Clooney seems smart and funny. Maybe he is one of the rare attractive men who has managed to transcend his attractiveness and has rendered it moot because he truly doesn’t care. But I doubt it. I’m not blaming, mind you. I’m simply saying it would be tough to negotiate life as a beautiful person and not have it leave its mark on your personality in one way or the other.

Without question, the sexiest men I’ve come across in my 38 years are always the quirky ones. Men whose faces are filled with character. Sad eyes, lines, scars, different, offbeat features. I like prominent noses, for example; helllloooo Adrien Brody. These strange-ish magnetic men who have an innate understanding of their strengths and weaknesses, have never relied on their looks to get by and, in fact, have felt as if they need to compensate for perceived flaws and are therefore smarter and funnier than anyone else around.

Now that I’m a nearing my 40s, and am far more discerning about whom I choose to spend time with I stare right through the attractive men. So hey, you there. Guy in the corner who probably never looked in a mirror and felt satisfied with your appearance. Yeah, you. Come over here. I wanna talk to you. I wanna hear your stories. I want to make you laugh.

And if you can make me laugh … Well then, who knows what’s next.

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Article Posted 5 years Ago

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