How To Have a Happy Marriage Like Me

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what makes a marriage work, what makes it last, what makes it happy. It seems that every morning when I click on TMZ (you know, after I’ve read CNN, MSNBC and made a donation to a charity) I see another celebrity couple is splitting up, the latest one, of course, being Emily and Jef from Bachelorette. How could these two not make it last? They were destined for each other as of…months ago! But even long term pairings like Rhea and Danny can’t seem to make it to “forever” and that is just a bummer. For most people. Me? I’ve got this marriage thing down pretty much and luckily for you, I’m here to share some tips so that your union has a fighting chance. You’re welcome.

  • Be passive aggressive 1 of 10
    Be passive aggressive
    Passive Aggressive behavior is the key to any long lasting happiness. We try to give each other compliments like, "I said you need to go to the gym because I'm worried about your health not because I think your ass is getting fat." If the other person takes it wrong a good solve is to say, "Stop being so paranoid!"
  • Gifts 2 of 10
    Once in awhile my husband surprises me with a gift. One month he might just unload the dishwasher on a whim or another month he will throw a load of laundry in the dryer that's been sitting in the washer for a few days. Obviously when I get one of these surprises it will be expected that I reward him with sex but, really, I WANT TO.
  • Cute pet names 3 of 10
    Cute pet names
    Jon and I still have sweet pet names for each other. Jon calls me Dumb Ass and I call him, Asshole or whatever swear word I'm overusing the most that day.
  • Show how you feel 4 of 10
    Show how you feel
    When my husband tells a story around a group of people I try to roll my eyes sarcastically at the other people as if to say, "Yeah, I've heard this a million times already" or "God, I can't believe he thinks this is funny." Because undermining is sexy.
  • Sweet nothings 5 of 10
    Sweet nothings
    Oftentimes I will stomp around the house and when my husband asks me what's wrong I will say "Nothing." If he says, "It seems like something's wrong," I'll say, "Well, should something be wrong?" Guessing games are like catnip to the fellas.
  • Keep the spark 6 of 10
    Keep the spark
    . If we've had an especially great day together, I will try to pick a fight just before bed to really keep him on his toes.
  • Fighting 7 of 10
    If we're going to fight, we try to do it in public. That way, we can show others that even seemingly perfect couples do argue once in awhile.
  • Don’t let resentments build 8 of 10
    Don't let resentments build
    We don't let our annoyances build up which would only lead to an explosion somewhere down the line. What we do to prevent this is point out the things about the other person that bother us all day long, making sure to accompany the complaint with disgusted faces and grumbling.
  • Never and always 9 of 10
    Never and always
    When complaining about something the other person does, we make sure to give credit for all the times the person disappointed us and not just that particular one. The trick is to say, "You never help me with the kids" or "You always forget to bring the garbage bins in from the curb."
  • Self-help 10 of 10
    Most men love to read self-help books so research lots of books that describe ways to improve your marriage and then try to get your husband to set aside time (preferably on Sunday because it's a good test to see if your husband thinks your relationship is more important than football) to read together and take quizzes or do exercises that involve looking into each other's eyes. If this doesn't work, insist on counseling. I haven't done this yet but it really sounds like a great idea.

If you have any good tips, leave them in the comments and we’ll discuss!

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Article Posted 4 years Ago

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