i’m grateful for the best decision my husband and i ever made

My husband and I had a very whirlwind courtship.

No, really:  as in he-asked-me-to-marry-him-18-days-after-our-first-date-courtship.  (For the record, I said yes.)

So to say that we got serious really quickly is probably the understatement of 2012.  In fact, I remember that within a week of our first date, we were already having the kinds of conversations that soon-to-be-married couples are supposed to have.

Like about money, for example.  But also about family planning.

When we met in 2001, I was a happily divorced attorney, flying all over the world for my job.  I had absolutely no intention of marrying, and I certainly had no intention of having children.  He must have sensed this, because suddenly, quite out of the blue, he grabbed me by the shoulders:

“I just want you to know,” he said, looking at me gravely, “that if you don’t want to have children, I’m totally okay with that.”

I was startled: I didn’t remember ever mentioning to him my thoughts on kids.

“Okay,” I said slowly, “I’m glad, because even though I love kids,  I don’t really feel an urgency for having them.  However…”


“… if we change our minds, I’d like to adopt.”


“Seriously.  I have close family members who were adopted when I was a child, and I’ve always loved the concept of adoption.  Even if I ever decide to give birth, I also want to adopt.”

“Huh,” he said.  “Adoption.  Sure, that sounds great.  Okay, so no kids. But if we change our minds, we adopt.”

That was the end of our discussion, until one summer about 2 years later, when I watched him play with his nieces.  And just like that, I suddenly realized that I had totally changed my mind.

“Marcus,” I said to him that evening, “you were born to be a father.  It’s time.  We should look into adoption.”

He surprised himself by agreeing with me.  Six weeks later, we walked into an adoption agency.  Four months after that, we were matched with our daughter’s birthmother.  And then two months later, this happened:

When she was six months old, a judge made official what we already knew:  we were a family.

Tomorrow is our daughter’s 8th birthday.  And so this week, instead of doing my usual recap of good things that have happened over the past 7 days, I want to go on record saying that each and every day for the past 8 years, I have been and will continue to be so incredibly grateful for our beautiful Alex.

She’s a truly lovely daily reminder that the decision to be parents is, without a doubt, the best decision her father and I ever made.



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