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My Marriage Is Boring, and I Like It That Way

My husband is my college sweetheart. Next month we celebrate 13 years of marriage, but we’ve been together for 18 years — better known as half of my life.

Eighteen years together means I know almost everything about him. I can practically quote his childhood stories. I know that he lines up the frozen tater tots like a marching band on the sheet pan before baking them. I can order his coffee perfectly every time: a grande vanilla latte with an extra shot. I’ve even got him down to the days when he drives me crazy by constantly making bad puns or by letting the junk mail pile up on the dinner table.

Yes, we are totally predictable. While some folks might call us boring, I find it comforting. There are definitely perks to having a boring marriage. Here are some of my favorites:

We have the same conversation every Friday night.

It goes something like this:

“Want to watch a movie after the kids are in bed?”
“Sure, what do you want to watch?”
“I don’t know, what do you want to watch?”

Commence scrolling through Netflix categories like, “Romantic comedies with a crazy woman who falls in love with a bear” and “Because you binged watched House of Cards without your husband.”

Ten minutes later, we still can’t agree on a movie or show.

“Let’s just watch reruns of Big Bang Theory instead.”
“Ok.”

We just reenacted the Netflix version of Waiting For Godot. I swear we do this every weekend. No matter what we end up watching, I know that every Friday night is quality time cuddling on the couch with my husband.

We always sleep on the same side of the bed.

The left side of the bed is my domain. I have this weird quirk where I can’t sleep face to face with a person. I dislike inhaling my husband’s hot, recycled air. I also prefer sleeping on the left side of my body, so this keeps me facing away from his “used breath.” Sleeping on the same side of the bed and spooning the same way every night helps me fall asleep faster and get better sleep. I still haven’t caught up from the sleep deprivation I experienced during the kids’ baby years, but I’m trying to make it up as fast as I can.

A bonus perk is that my husband’s side of the bed is closest to our bedroom door. Guess who the kids see first when they come in? Guess who they wake up first? Thanks, Dad.

We sit next to each other and don’t even talk.

He’s obsessed with Monument Valley, and I’m trying for the 47th time to beat level 487 of Farm Heroes Saga. We sit in silence, except for the occasional cheer or groan during our game play. How totally boring and predictable is that? We don’t even talk to each other!

After so many years together, we’ve learned that we don’t always need to talk. With our jobs and kid duties, we’re content to slow down and just be near each other. This is our time to relax and do something mindless, without worrying about adult responsibilities — including keeping up our side of a conversation.

We know each other well enough to communicate without words. When my husband walks through the door, he can read my mood with just a glance. If I’ve had a challenging day, he immediately diverts the kids’ attention away from me to give me a break. When his eyes shine with excitement, I put down my phone or book. I give him my full attention as he shares his good news.

Boring is good.

Starting today, let’s erase the word “boring” from our relationships. Let’s swap it out with “comfort” or “ease” instead. Let’s celebrate the fact that we know our spouse well enough that we feel safe to be our true selves, no matter how boring someone on the outside might think we are.

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Article Posted 4 years Ago

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