The Problem with a New Dating Website for "Part-Time Relationship" SeekersKrishann Briscoe
I’m an all or nothing type of girl. If you plan to be the keeper of my heart, then you’ve basically signed yourself up for a round-the-clock position. That means our love hath no limits. If you love me at 8 p.m. during our movie date, then you most certainly can love me at 6:30 a.m. before I’ve made contact with a toothbrush. And if you can love me when I’m feeling the high of accomplishing a long, sought-after goal, then surely you can love me when battling PMS.
See, that’s the thing about my relationship with my husband. It’s a full-time job. And when it came to dating, I didn’t have time for games. I was a mama on a mission. I had a baby to take care of, an education to get, and a life to build for myself and my child, which meant full-time applicants apply only.
While dating, my husband and I did have our ups and downs, but what we didn’t have was a part-time commitment. I can’t help but wonder if having a part-time commitment would have set us up for failure. A relationship takes work. It requires you to be all in, otherwise it doesn’t really stand a chance.
Recently I read about a website that matches people looking for part-time relationships. Perhaps I am getting ahead of myself, but this sort of sounds like a recipe for disaster. From my own observations and experience as a woman, we tend to be emotional. We are “feelers,” which is why it isn’t uncommon for us to fall for the guy who tells us he isn’t looking for anything serious. We say we aren’t either (and sometimes we really aren’t), yet somehow we often find ourselves longing for more.
According to the article on CNN, the website’s demographic is “people who want to be independent but also want to fall in love.” People who have no expectations. The site describes itself as a site for “singles looking for regular partners with mutual attraction, genuine friendship, respect and a magical spark but whom have no expectations of moving in after three months and value their free time and independence.”
My understanding of the site is that it is for people who still want to hold on to their independence while in a relationship. The part-time love eliminates the pressure or a need to know where your guy or gal is.
But being in a full-time relationship doesn’t mean you have to give up your independence. Nor does it mean your significant other has to account for every moment of the day. Trust alleviates the need for that, at least in my own experience. The best marriages are those in which each person still has their own independence and yet together they create something truly wonderful. If you aren’t looking for something serious, then by all means do as you wish. But why go so far as to be semi detached? Semi-serious?
We’re in a semi-relationship. A what?
What’s next? I’m kind of employed. I’m kind of divorced. I mean I’m notoriously “sort of hungry,” which basically means that I am hungry ,and I just don’t want to sound greedy. Either I’m hungry, or I’m not.
I may have missed the point, but this type of website seems to be a commitment-phobe’s dream come true. It isn’t simply dating. It’s being in an actual relationship but “low-maintenance,” a notion explored by relationship author and blogger Helen Croydon. You kind of get to be in a relationship, only nothing in your personal life really changes. You get the label, minus the work. Perhaps you aren’t required to put forth as much effort. Essentially you get to have your cake and eat it, too.
There’s a Facebook status for relationships of this nature: “It’s complicated.” And perhaps it doesn’t start off as such, but the desire for companionship is innate to who we are. So what happens when you find yourself wanting more? Can you really get mad if the other person doesn’t when you met them on a website designed for people who are looking for a “low patience” kind of love?
Clearly the semi-thing is not for me. Call me high-maintenance if you will. I’m OK with that. With my husband and I being “all in” while dating, it set the tone for a marriage that is just that. Of course we didn’t spend every moment of the day together, but we made the decision to give our love all that we had. We jumped in with both feet, and are on our journey side by side and step by step. We decided that we were OK with the fact that love requires maintenance. Sometimes it requires a little; sometimes it requires a lot. The more miles you put on your car, the more maintenance it takes to keep it going. And we decided that it was worth it. What we had was so good, it was worth the work. All day, every day. It still is. Full-time love definitely has its perks.
For more on part-time relationships, visit CNN. But before you go, do tell, could you be in a part-time relationship?
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