“The Best Father I Ever Met Had No Children of His Own” originally appeared on The Good Men Project and was reprinted with permission.
I have learned the hard way that making a baby has nothing to do with being a Dad.
I was adopted and never got the chance to know my father well.
Being adopted, it was hard to feel loved growing up. It was just a feeling that I lived with my whole life and was hard to shake. Something I probably have carried with me since birth. Since the moment the voice I had been listening to for nine months walked out of my life forever.
My views on fatherhood weren’t done any favors when the father of my two children left us when they were but 1 and 4 years old.
I tried dating but kept finding men that said they loved me, but couldn’t replicate it towards my children.
One man even asked me not to talk about my children when we were together. He felt it took away from our quality time together. That was the exact moment I knew it wouldn’t work out. I wanted a man to love me and my children.
I wanted a man who wanted to help me raise a family.
Then one day when I was struggling, I prayed for a solution. Whether coincidence or divine timing, I found the law of attraction. It told me that my reality was a result of previous thoughts, beliefs, and actions.
I read that all the great stuff that happened in my life was because of me. And that all the bad stuff that happened in my life was my fault, too. No one else’s but mine. I came to the realization that this was true. I could no longer blame anyone else’s actions for my unhappiness. For it was me who put myself in those situations to begin with. I began to take responsibility.
The book I was reading promised me that abundance was meant for me, and everyone else too. As long as our deep-rooted, subconscious beliefs knew that this was the absolute truth. Not exactly an easy thing to convince yourself of after living a rough couple of years.
I was in a tough spot. Struggling, and not sure where to go. This “law of attraction” was so appealing to me. The promise that I could have everything I ever wanted and it would be even better than in my dreams. If I could just believe in it. Luckily for me and my children, I was crazy enough to trust in every single word.
I started tracking my thoughts and changing them.
I went from thinking, “I have two children, one with autism, no good man will want me,” to thinking, “Because of my situation, I will find the best man out there. Because of my situation, all the men with foul intentions will be discouraged. Because of my situation, I will find the most compassionate man with a heart of gold. He will be everything I’ve ever wanted in a man, and more. I deserve this.”
I truly believed this. Every time doubt crept in, I immediately dismissed it. Negative thoughts were not an option if I wanted this to work. I knew the only way it could work was if I truly believed this, deep down into my subconscious soul.
Two weeks later, I met the man of my dreams. And he said I was the woman of his. He even told me that he had a conversation with God before he met me, and he just knew. He said he believed I was going to save his life, although looking back, I know he saved mine.
I introduced him to my children on our third date, and he said it was the best date he’d ever had.
He tells me he always wanted a family, and I gave that to him.
He now calls my children his own. He plays with them, protects them and teaches them new things with so much love it melts my heart. He takes care of them, of all of us, above and beyond what I used to think was possible.
Six months ago he moved us to Hawaii, so we could live in paradise. So that we could thrive. He puts our well-being before his own. And he doesn’t do it for any other reason than the fact that he loves us.
What we expect we will find is exactly what we allow ourselves to find. Our beliefs can often become no more than self-fulfilling prophecies. They can drag us down, or lift us up. But no matter what your situation is, you deserve love, and your children do too. There’s no good reason to let negative thoughts or beliefs convince you otherwise. I’m living proof of that.
This man I write about, that I’m lucky to call my own, has changed the way I will view men forever, and the way I view life. He has proven to me that our subconscious thoughts, beliefs, and actions do in fact create our life in every way. Whether we see it yet, or not. This man I speak of has never created a baby of his own, but he is the best father I know.
More from The Good Men Project:
- Men and the death of their fathers
- Healing the absent father wound
- Is there an ideal age to become a father?
- To my sons: Lessons on manhood I learned from your father