The REAL Secret to a Happy Marriage…Fighting!

“I’m not a fighter, I’m a lover.” I can remember me and my buddies saying that when we were younger. The saying implied that in order to have a successful relationship you had to be more lover, than fighter. After years of dating, and now 12 years of marriage, I disagree. To have a great relationship, and especially to have a happy marriage, you have to be a lover and a fighter.

Every relationship you will have a disagreements, arguments, fights, or whatever you call it. It is very hard to be more lover than fighter at that time. An article on Time Health & Family links happy marriages to who is the first in the relationship to attempt reconciliation. When the wife attempts reconciliation first there is more of a chance that the fight doesn’t escalate versus when the man attempts reconciliation.

Interesting. I can see that in our relationship. Although I can be very stubborn when my wife tries to end a disagreement, apologizes, or goes from “fighter” to “lover” I usually follow suit. That can be a good indicator, but it is not the real secret to a happy marriage. A happy marriage requires you to be as much fighter as lover.

The real secret to a happy marriage is being both. You, and your wife have to be lovers and fighters. You just have to pick your fights, and learn how to love.

Click through the slideshow below to learn when and where to fight, and how to love your spouse so you can have a happy marriage.

  • The REAL Secret to a Happy Marriage 1 of 17
    Fight for happy marriage2

    Click here to see real secret to a happy marriage...being a lover and a fighter.

    photo credit: Photopin

  • Fight technology 2 of 17
    Couple texting side by side

    Technology has made our lives so much easier. But it has been a challenge to relationships. Some studies have shown that couples who text a lot do not have happy relationships. After taking this into consideration and looking at my marriage I can see how this may be true. My wife and I text a lot, and I now notice some things we are missing out on by doing so.

    Photo credits:

  • Fight money separating you 3 of 17

    The way a person handles money reveals a lot about that person. The same is true for marriage. If money causes rifts in marriage, then there are probably underlying problems. Don't let money separate you in marriage. Which starts with not having separate bank accounts. Fight this idea and embrace becoming one in all areas of your marriage, especially your money.


    photo credit: artist in doing nothing via photopin cc

  • Fight to win all disagreements 4 of 17

    Your one goal when you have a disagreement with your spouse should be to win. Win the argument, by any means necessary. Wait, before you misunderstand, let me explain. Winning an argument in your marriage means resolving the conflict so that both of you feel loved and appreciated.  This is done by embracing your difference in opinion, learning from your differences, and celebrating the differences.

    photo credit: lanier67 via photopin cc

  • Fight lies and myths about marriage 5 of 17

    The marriage ball and chain. You've probably heard of it. It is a lie and a myth about marriage. It says when you get married you lose your freedom. The opposite is true, when you get married you begin your journey to freedom. Fight lies and myths that portray marriage as a bad thing.

    Photo credit: Angela Caldwell

  • Fight divorce 6 of 17

    I recently learned unreasonable behavior leads to more divorces than infidelity. That is shocking. Divorce for any reason should be viewed as an enemy and something to be fought without mercy. Our marriage has survived because we adopted this mindset, and never wavered.

    photo credit: San Diego Shooter via photopin cc

  • Fight being Mr. Fix it 7 of 17

    I admit when my wife comes to me with a problem my first reaction is to try to fix it. First, it may not need fixing, and even if it does she may not want me to fix it. Her need from me is to listen. So, this is directed mainly toward the men, but there may be some women who have a fix it mentality. I urge you to not try to fix his/her problems, but to listen to his/her problems.

    photo credit: B Rosen via photopin cc

  • Fight any dishonesty 8 of 17

    Any dishonesty in your marriage is bad for your marriage. Yes, even the "little white lies." Fight telling even the smallest of lies no matter what "just" reason you can come up with. Your spouse will appreciate the truth rather than you not trying to hurt his/her feelings. This will build a solid foundation for a happy marriage.

    photo credit: Katie Tegtmeyer via photopin cc

  • Fight unrealistic expectations 9 of 17

    When you get married both of you come into it with various expectations. Sometimes they can be unrealistic, which can lead to them being unmet. Not all expectations are unrealistic, but there is a certain way to deal with unmet expectations.  Love and forgive your spouse, communicate to understand, change your perspective, but don't give up on the expectations.

    photo credit: anieto2k via photopin cc

  • Love with your words 10 of 17

    Your words can build up or tear down. Make sure you use them to build up your spouse. If you don't know what to say, check out what these wives love to hear.

    photo credit: Brandon Christopher Warren via photopin cc

  • Love wearing your ring…all the time 11 of 17

    The wedding ring means nothing to some couples. Other couples put a lot of weight behind the wedding ring. If you wear your ring love wearing it all the time. Do not take it off in certain situations. This could mean there are some hidden agendas, and just might not be good for your marriage.

    photo credit: IcronticPrime via photopin cc

  • Love with your action 12 of 17

    I have found one of the best ways to make my wife happy is show my "domestic sexy" side. What is domestic sexy you say? Domestic sexy is taking care of tasks around the house.  Doing dishes, making household repairs, vacuuming, cooking, or anything related. Being domestic sexy can definitely stimulate your marriage and lead to a happy marriage.


    photo credit: Bombardier via photopin cc

  • Love with a sense of humor 13 of 17

    "Laughter makes the heart grow fonder." Having fun, not taking yourselves to seriously, and adding some humor to your marriage is part of the real secret to a happy marriage. So go ahead, "give it a shot!"

    photo credit: moriza via photopin cc

  • Love cuddling 14 of 17

    Finding time to be alone, and just do nothing but hold each other is great for your marriage. Although men don't love cuddling like women do, they still enjoy it. photo credit: bettie-rage via photopin cc

  • Love being "touchy-feely" 15 of 17

    Physical touch just happens to be my "love language." If either you or your spouse has this as a love language, then make sure you know where your spouse likes to be touched. Definitely a secret to having a happy marriage. photo credit: zen via photopin cc

  • Love your spouse before anything else 16 of 17

    Sometimes the problems in our marriage can be boiled down to who we put first in our marriages. In our family, even though we both love our kids a lot, we do our best to put one another first. Our marriage is the foundation of our family. So when the marriage relationship breaks down the family does. I encourage you to love your spouse more than you love anything or anyone else.

    photo credit: via photopin cc

  • Love your in-laws 17 of 17

    You should have known the equation to a happy marriage could not be completed without the in-laws. Great in-law relationships are possible. Starting off with respect, trust, and honor and you will be on the right track. This relationship is part of the secret to a happy marriage.

    photo credit: moodboardphotography via photopin cc

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