This Insane List of Demands Is Why Women Feel They Have to Be PerfectCarolyn Castiglia
There is still a subtle insinuation in our society, no matter how far we’ve progressed, that women have to be perfect in order to be desirable. Sure, many women are able to get past the idea of trying to be “desirable” period, reminding themselves that women don’t exist for the pleasure of men and yada yada yada. But the truth is, men are visual creatures, and we are all being judged – men and women alike – by prospective dates. Precisely because we know so many men still are looking for that perfect female specimen to fulfill their every desire, it’s easy to forget that you don’t have to be a “perfect” person in order to find the perfect person for you. Remember, not every guy is a shallow, narcissistic jerk. And the ones who are should not be taken seriously! Like this guy, a successful surgeon who sent out an email to all of his networking contacts with the following list of things he’s looking for in a woman:
- Age 27-35 (ideally 28-34)
- No kids, wants kids in the next 1-2 years
- College graduate, doesn’t have to be a great school, but needs to have finished the degree
- Skinny (i.e. dress size 0-2, if you don’t know what that means (many men don’t) it means very skinny)
- Caucasian (not black, not Hispanic, not Asian)
- Healthy lifestyle (defined as no smoking, no drugs, good diet, no hard drinking)
Ah, the perfect skinny white girl! What I grew up wanting to be! Feeling like I should be, in fact. It wasn’t until I moved to a black neighborhood in New York City and discovered that the men there liked that I wasn’t skinny that I stopped feeling like I had to be someone else to be attractive. And it wasn’t until very recently that I realized that I don’t want to date anyone who is going to objectify my body in any way at all! Since that’s a super tall order, guess who’s not currently dating??? (Me.) I’m just tired of feeling like men look at me body first, soul second, if they’re getting to that second part at all.
The “perfect female specimen” means different things to different people, but nonetheless, objectifying women – or men – isn’t going to lead anyone to true love. The idea that certain physical and emotional qualities are what make a person perfect and that only those qualities will work for you is limiting for everyone involved. If you’re looking for a person with very strict qualities, you’re cutting yourself off from the possibility of being surprised by someone who’s not your “type,” and if you’re trying to *be* someone that fits a list of “perfect” criteria, you’re wearing yourself out for no reason and preventing yourself from expressing the fullness of your self.
As for the surgeon looking for the perfect woman – his list of demands doesn’t stop there. Oh no, it’s much longer, in fact. He also wants her to be submissive (OF COURSE) but successful at work (RIGHT), nice (NOT BITCHY AND SELF-ABSORBED LIKE HIM) and come from a healthy family (HA!). If you want to see the whole thing, go read it and weep/laugh over at YourTango.