I’ve been a single mom for eight long years. But not always single. I mean, I had boyfriends and flings and hot dates — but nothing too substantial.
For context, dating isn’t a picnic for me because I’m a solo single mom. My son’s dad doesn’t help so I’m on 24/7, and then there was a run with cancer that left me out of commission. Excuses, excuses — I know!
I love, love, love being a mom, but I know I want to settle down. Finding the time and a sitter is a balancing act between full-time work, my son’s social and sports schedule, and every other XYZ. Sometimes waving the white flag is easier, but not as satisfying.
So this got me thinking about what I (and I think it’s fair to say other single moms) do want in a man after all these years.
1. We want you to have a golden retriever’s personality.
This means you greet us, hug us, kiss us, cuddle us, and lay quietly next to us just chilling. You are always happy to see us and do as we say. You’re our exercise buddy, play pal and always, er, sleep with us.
2. We want you to cook us things.
Look, we are short-order cooks. Our kid wants grilled cheese so we make it, but by the time we put the grilled cheese in front of our kid — cut in squares, not triangles — all hell breaks lose (damn those squares!), and they now want dinosaur chicken nuggets and canned corn.
Make us a steak. Mix us a martini. You have us at …. prepared, homemade food.
3. We want you to like our kids.
Remember how Jerry Maguire ate Apple Jacks with Dorothy’s boy Ray after they got it on? Yes. Do that. Do cute, low key things that don’t override us single moms. We’re in charge, and we want you to gradually get to know our awesome kids.
4. We want to go on real chivalrous dates.
Look, we go to Chuck E. Cheese, glow-in-the-dark mini golf, and the zoo ALL THE TIME. We are soccer moms. Take us somewhere where there’s a cheese plate for dessert and a wine list. We want to wear sexy underwear and heels. WE WANT TO GET A BLOW OUT.
5. We don’t want to party at da club and sit at the coveted bottle service table.
Why? We did that in our 20s and it was dope. Now we are moms with kids and jobs. We don’t do hungover. (See #4. wine and cheese, please.)
6. We want you to look like Bradley Cooper.
And be funny like Amy Schumer, dance like Channing Tatum (or his wife, Jenna for that matter), and pull some Christian Grey antics in the bedroom that are more lovey and less abusive. Is that too much to ask? Fine, we’ll just settle for Coops.
7. Major: We want a smart guy, too.
Smart like Steve Jobs, because smart is sexy.
8. But rugged and woodsy-gasoline-grass smelling.
That is very hot.
9. We are smart independent women and you don’t have to fix things for us or paint.
But if you’re good with your hands, yesssssssssss, I mean you can help.
10. Not to be wishy-washy, but we really want a guy to have pillow talk with.
To bounce ideas off of, or to call during a meltdown.
Basically, we want … a partner.More On