What The Bachelorette Reveals About True Love and Marriage

Well, my secret is out:

I have become obsessed with watching The Bachelorette.

Luckily for me and my oh-so-jet-setting-glamorous lifestyle (and by that I mean my life is controlled by three small out-of-utero children and one-currently-in-utero), I have been able to enjoy pre-recorded episodes of my favorite show, all while avoiding the headlines for spoiler alerts.

And while the show is, for the most part, mindless entertainment and an excuse for my sister and I to count how many times Andi can say “stop” in any given episode, I was also surprised to discover over the course of my marathon Bachelorette watching one very important lesson about love and marriage:

It’s not always the girl’s fault. 


 Allow me to explain. 

Because I have also, admittedly, indulged in watching a few episodes seasons of The Bachelor, I’ve been privy to many a tear-filled exit from the non-floral bearing members in the aftermath of the infamous rose ceremony. And over and over again, the women of The Bachelor exit the rose ceremony bemoaning their losses.

“What did I dooo?” they will sob. “If only I had done [insert any and all actions here that wouldn’t have made a difference]. What is wrong with me that no man will ever love me??” 

But the male counterparts of the opposing show?

The male castoffs have a very different attitude when they make their lonely exile to the waiting limo. Sure, there are a few tears for the camera, but in general, the men’s attitude goes a little something like this:

“It’s too bad she couldn’t see how awesome I am. Because I am. Awesome, that is.”

Now, obviously, most people don’t willingly enter a public dating show without a fairly solid dose of self-confidence, but as I watched the show, I was struck by how much it really revealed about the male-female dynamic in a relationship.

I know that when it comes to my marriage, I am often guilty of the endless introspective questioning when my husband and I have a fight or are going through a rough patch. I’ll wonder what on earth I did to make him angry. And if he happens to just be having a bad day and wants to be left the heck alone?

Well, of course, I’m going to follow him around all day asking him what’s wrong. What’s wrong? Is it something I did? Well, of course it is, it must be if you won’t tell me what it is. Hmpphhh. 

For whatever reason, I am always obsessed with my part in our day-to-day dynamics. Am I being too annoying? Did I cause his bad mood? What can I do to make things better?

And then I wonder why everything seems to be my fault.

Could it be because I make it my fault?

Ladies, let us learn a little something from all that Bachelorette watching. Let’s take on some of that “it’s not me, it’s you” self-confidence, let our men have their bad days, and stop wondering if everything is our fault.

Because it’s not.

And for that, we surely deserve a rose. Or a whole darn bouquet of them. 

Image via Josh Giuliano/Flickr



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