It took me 13 years, but I’ve finally realized that my wife and I speak two totally different languages. There’s simply a disconnect between male and female linguistics. I’ll say things to my wife and daughter that they don’t understand, and then I don’t understand why they don’t understand. As you can imagine, it all gets very confusing very quickly.
If they don’t even understand the words that are coming out of my mouth, they must have absolutely no idea what I’m thinking or how I’m feeling in certain situations.
In efforts to be transparent and improve communication, here’s “What He’s Really Thinking When…”
1. When you ask him, “How do I look in this?”
“This is a loaded question…” or “Does she really want to know the truth?” or “Tell the truth! Lie! Tell the truth! Lie! … I’m toast!”
My wife always looks beautiful to me. But sometimes she can be very critical of herself, and I’m not sure what’s the right thing to say. If I tell her an outfit looks great when she doesn’t feel so great about it, she could get upset. Or if tell her I’d prefer her to wear something else, when she feels great about it, I’m in equally hot water.
2. When you say, “I would really love to have a new…”
“Cha-ching!” or “She thinks I’m not making enough money” or “I need a new job!”
Many men are analytical thinkers, and our minds can be like living, breathing calculators. While my wife talks about wanting something new, she’s not trying to make me feel bad, but I’m mentally tallying up the cost, and whether we can afford it or not. It can get frustrating, and not towards her. The frustration comes because all men love to provide for, protect, and make their wives feel like a queen. We’d love to shower our wives with everything we can possibly can, but it’s not always possible. A better approach might be to open the discussion by telling your husband how much you appreciate all the things you two have, and talking about your budget together. This will encourage him not to take any comments about wanting something new as a slight.
If your financial situation is to the point where even small purchases can cause major, potentially negative, impact on your family — my advice would be to reassure him that he is more than just a paycheck. You might think that goes without saying, but trust me, it will do him good to hear. Show him he’s appreciated even if he can’t buy the $10 Spiderman toy. Make sure your kids know how much he loves them, and make sure your man knows you all love him.
3. When you say something when he’s watching the game or something really “important.”
“Huh?” or “Did she say something?” or “Wait, what was that?”
I’m gonna be honest – most of the time he didn’t even hear what you said. Not because he’s disinterested, or he doesn’t want to, but because he is so focused on what he’s watching, he has no clue what is going on around him. Let’s be real, men don’t multitask well. I suggest waiting until the commercial break, until the game or show is over, or just engaging with him about what he’s watching.
4. When you say “no” to sex.
“What if she doesn’t think I’m attractive anymore?” or “What’s the problem, I’m ready right now.”
It doesn’t take much for us to “be ready.” When we see you and we’re attracted to you, that’s almost foreplay for us. Maybe because we are more visual and women tend to be more emotional, but for most men, it doesn’t take much. That’s why communication in the bedroom is so important. If you don’t feel in the mood, I suggest telling your husband why and opening a dialogue about what helps to get you there. Sometimes he just needs to be told.
I want to answer these questions for you in hopes that it’ll help you better communicate with your man. A better understanding of his thoughts and feelings just might give you a different perspective. Or it might scare the heck out of you! If you are really brave, in addition to letting me know which you’d like to know about, please leave a comment below with what you think he’s really thinking given the situations listed above.More On