I’ve been called “aggressive.” Perhaps it is due to my astrological sign (as an Aries, I am ruled by the planet Mars). Or maybe it’s my Dominican roots. Wherever it stems from, my assertiveness has sometimes been labeled “unattractive.”
Men have found me to be too bold, angry, and even scary. That’s because women are seen as erratic if we show anything but sensitivity and tenderness. I have been called a bitch because I’ve stood up for myself. And yes, sometimes I can be a bit…mean. Sometimes I am too “in your face” with my truth and opinions.
In the past, I cultivated this anger to protect myself. I was tired of men lying, leading me on, and breaking my tender heart. Despite all my bravado, I am very vulnerable.
But does our “aggression” as women always stem from heartache, or do we sometimes want to shout and get mad like men do? Of course we do. But there is a double standard.
In a recent article from Salon.com, they speak on this double standard. A book by John Neffinger and Matthew Kohut titled Compelling People states that what makes someone powerful and “captivating” is to balance the masculine and feminine. That is to communicate with strength and warmth.
Women are constantly walking this line but are judged if we tip more toward aggressive. If I approach a man that I think is cute at a bar, some may imply that I am chasing him, therefore taking on the male role. And that’s a bad thing. Because I am a woman and should be demure. If I tell a guy I want to get him into bed, I’d be called worse names than “aggressive.”
So, what can women do? How should we live our lives? Always on our terms. I receive emails from women and men alike, bashing me for my honesty, opinions, and truth. They don’t like that I say I love hot men, or that I need to be sexually attracted to a man first and foremost. I am called mean, angry, aggressive, misguided and shallow. But men can state the same things that I do, and in a more aggressive manner. But it’s okay because they are men.
I simply brush it off. I don’t live for anyone else. I am okay with being an “aggressive” woman. And that’s all that matters.
Photo Credit: Flickr.com/bbaltimore.