I’ve had a few embarrassing moments throughout my life, but for some reason when I became a mom, they seemed to multiply. It’s a perfect storm when motherhood mixes with getting dressed. My most embarrassing moment was probably when my toddler lifted up the back of my skirt for a whole room of people to see. Thanks, Rockwell!
Or that first Sunday back to church from having my first baby. I had picked out one of my favorite dresses for the occasion; it felt great to be in something other than sweat pants. However, that satisfaction soon dissipated when I found myself in the nursing mother’s room with a small conundrum. My dress was vintage and to get it on, I had to pull it over my head. Without any other way to feed Rockwell, I had to pull it over my head and feed him in my underwear.
Standing there in a compromising position, I hoped that no one else would need to use the lounge, but of course, I wasn’t that lucky. In came two women that I had never met before. Petrified, I explained why I was hanging out half-naked nursing my newborn. They were gracious and warmly shared their similar mishaps with me. It changed the experience from the most mortifying thing to ever happen, into a moment that made me feel a part of something bigger than myself — something humbling, something hilarious, something called motherhood. They opened up to me and it comforted me. Helped me see the humor, and get through the day. I compiled 5 other moms stories and hopefully through their embarrassing wardrobe malfunctions they’ve had to deal with, you’ll also get through your day with a little smile on your face, knowing you’re not alone either.
“Olivia was 5 weeks old and I was dying to get out of the house. My church group was having a holiday party and white elephant gift exchange. I told my husband we have to go! We took Olivia with us so I didn’t have to worry about pumping. The event was going great — she even fell asleep in the arms of one of our mentor moms and I got to reconnect and mingle with some dear friends.
As I was chatting away to a group of friends (men included), my shirt started to get wet from the milk leaking down my chest. The bra I was wearing was cotton and totally absorbed the milk and it came through to my shirt. People started looking at the wet spot on my shirt and I didn’t know what to do! A dear friend came to my rescue! I was able to go nurse and replace my blouse with her button up cardigan. I learned a lesson that day, not only to pack an extra pair of clothes for the baby but also for myself.”
— Jenn of Sincerely Jenn
“A few weeks ago I realized I had run out of diapers. I stuck a swim diaper on Ames and crossed my fingers it would last until I could get to the store. I dropped Violet off at preschool, and headed straight to target. As I was walking through the aisles, carrying Ames, I started smelling something awful. I checked his swim diaper, and what did you know, the stink was coming from him.
A swim diaper filled with diarrhea is like a ticking time bomb. I hurriedly grabbed the diapers and rushed to the check-out line, but as I stood there, I realized not only had the diarrhea leaked onto his clothes, but it was also all down my side. I tried to shift him so that it would cover the catastrophe and act calm so that no one would notice the disgusting smell was coming from us. I was pretty sure the cashier knew something was up, but I just hurried to the bathroom to change him. I ended up throwing his pants away — and cleaning myself up as best I could before heading home. It was soooo embarrassing but also slightly humorous. Ah, the joys of parenting.”
— Beth Allen of Beth Allen Art
“A few weeks after having my fourth baby, I left the house for what felt like the first time (and most likely was) to visit my chiropractor for an adjustment. As I climbed on the table and willed myself not to fall asleep, I felt a gentle touch on my shoulder. In the slow and deliberate speech one might use with an escaped lunatic, she lowered her voice and said, ‘Now, I did just want to let you know that your shirt is inside out.'”
— Chaunie from Tiny Blue Lines
“It was a particularly crazy morning at my house. I rarely leave myself enough time to get ready for work, so it’s always this mad rush-rush-rush of plopping the kids down to watch Jack’s Big Music Show, showering, indulging my brow-tweezing obsession for a few minutes (I’d probably stop to do that if I were running out of a house on fire), throwing on clothes and makeup, passing the kids over to the babysitter, and zooming off to make my train. But that morning, I had a couple of bills to pay. I grabbed a container of leftover spaghetti from the fridge and shoveled down a few forkfuls.
I walked into the office of one of my bosses shortly after I got to work.
‘You have a noodle on your shirt,’ she said, matter-of-factly.’
I looked down. There it was, a random piece of spaghetti hanging out on my chest. Not the entire loop of it, but a definite piece of one. I was about to make a joke about the spaghetti brooch I’d inherited from my grandmother but instead just muttered something about my busy morning (and, now that I’m pondering this, what DID I do with that noodle? Did I flick it onto her carpet? That’s even less wise than walking around with a noodle on your shirt).
Curse you, Ronzoni.”
— Ellen Seidman of Love That Max
“Here’s the story:
2) Put Loo in her car seat and hit the road.
3) Pulled into my driveway, unbuckled Loo.
4) Wait a minute: Where are my groceries?
5 ) Called TJ’s: ‘Hi, okay, so I feel like a super idiot but I just got home and, well I can’t find my groceries anywhere. I think I left them in the parking lot.’
6) Lady: ‘Hahahaha, let me go check.’ Good news: She found them and said she’d keep them in the fridge until I could pick them up.
7) But first, eye appointment at Target.
8) I get to Target looking like this. My eye doctor basically asks me if I’m lactating. I look down and have no idea how this happened?!
9) I stopped breastfeeding many moons ago when Loo was 8 months old. She’s now 2.
10) Hmmm, so I check it. It’s totally dry and appears to be a grease stain on my brand new T-shirt.
11) Then I had my eyes dilated at my exam so I can’t read anything and my eyes are getting blurrier by the minute but they say I can drive.
12) 8:15 pm: I finally rolled back into Trader Joe’s. I tried to act normal. I almost picked up a bunch of bananas to hold strategically over the awkward boob stain. But I already bought bananas that were in my groceries and I thought maybe that was weirder. And now it was night time so it was too dark to wear sunglasses to cover up my giant dilated pupils.
13) I walked up to the counter and desperately wanted to say: “I am not lactating, and I’m not sure what happened there, and also I promise I don’t do drugs. I just had my eyes dilated. Oh, and I’m the lady that left my groceries in the parking lot and drove home,” but then I thought maybe that sounded guilty.
14) So I just looked the lady in the eye with my creepy black eyes and my faux lactation stain, smiled, and said, ‘I’m here to pick up my groceries, please.’ She said, ‘Ah, yes I remember you.’
15) And then I loaded up my groceries and what was left of my dignity and went home.”
— Brooke White of The Girls With Glasses