Do you ever look in your closet and sigh, gazing at all the beautiful clothes and accessories that you haven’t worn since your first pregnancy in 2008? You just have nowhere to wear that stuff, you say? Well, maybe you’re just not thinking outside the box.
Here’s a list of 10 popular mom hangouts where you can strategically show off your fashionable clothing and make all the other moms swoon over your chicness. Or maybe they’re falling down laughing, you can’t really tell without your glasses on.
1. Pearls to the PTA meeting.
God, weren’t those robot moms in Stepford Wives super-chic? You, too, can look like a suburban fashionista android if you wear your pearl necklace and earrings to the next PTA meeting. Pair them with a cute dress, heels, and pantyhose for the full effect.
2. Stilettos to your Mom’s Night Out.
Yes, girls, this mom is here to par-tay. Make sure to park close to the door of the restaurant or else this may lead to an ER visit, albeit finally one that doesn’t involve your kid getting stitches.
3. Designer jeans to your stroller walk.
Look, if you’re honest, you haven’t gotten above a pace of 2.5 miles an hour during your supposed “exercise walk” with your neighbor. Why not ditch those yoga pants and wear your hottest jeans with the embroidered back pockets? Hello to YOU, Mr. Mailman.
4. Platform sneakers to the …
… why the hell did you buy these things again? “It was 1999” is no excuse. Moving on.
5. Your birthstone necklace to your gynecologist appointment.
Because this is the only form you fill out where they ask for your birthday and not your kids’.
6. Sweater dress and boots to your mom coffee date.
Look, it’s a date, isn’t it? She explicitly said, “We should have a coffee date after preschool drop-off.” Make sure to put on perfume, too. And lip gloss.
7. A cute clutch to your child’s third birthday party.
This doubles as a great way to surprise potty train him, because it doesn’t fit any diapers in it.(Note: make your husband carry a diaper in his jacket pocket.)
“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, stop pooping in your diaper because you’re 36 months old now and mommy can’t deal anymore.”
8. A low-cut shirt for your kitchen renovation estimates.
9. A little black dress and heels to the next jewelry, Tupperware, or other product “party” you’re invited to.
What? You guys said it was a party. Now, pass the boxed wine.
10. A miniskirt and bustier to Sunday dinner at your mother-in-law’s house.
Whatever — just like to keep her on her toes.