Thanks to Pull-Ups® Training Pants for sponsoring this post.
Dating, remember that? It was something you did as a distant precursor to obtaining your toddler. It involved staying up late for reasons other than cleaning up middle-of-the-night vomit. Also, it involved wearing something called “makeup.”
Anyway, there are many similarities between potty training and dating, and I will outline ten of them here, for you to read on your phone while you sit with your toddler for an hour in the bathroom, waiting for him to poop.
1. Both require special clothes.
One of them requires cute tops. One of them requires Pull-Ups®. If you’re a hipster, both of them can involve superhero characters.
2. Both require optimism.
That guy probably meant to say, “I’ll call you tomorrow,” not, “See ya.” He was just shy. And your toddler didn’t mean to pee next to the potty to spite you. He just missed. Even though he was laughing while he did it.
3. Both can feel pointless.
Sitting through dinner when you realized you didn’t like the guy before you finished the appetizers can feel like a waste of time. So can creating sticker charts for someone who obviously would prefer to sit in their own waste than amass any amount of adhesive-backed princesses.
4. Both require creativity.
Putting together an online dating profile that makes you sound cool but not weird requires a lot of inspiration. So does convincing your toddler that the potty is awesome and not a smaller version of the dreaded bathtub.
5. Both require a sense of humor.
When a guy has that second drink and then tells you he’s not really broken up with his girlfriend after all, you just need to laugh. Same thing when your toddler begs to wear underwear and then poops in it five minutes later.
6. Both make your mother shake her head at you.
“Look mom, documentary filmmakers do have jobs. Just not jobs with health insurance” versus “Look mom, I read that three is the right age for potty training, and yes I know you potty-trained three of us all by 21 months. I don’t know, maybe human development DID change in a generation.”
7. Both require reserves of social support.
You need to call your best friend to tell her about the guy that made you pick up the bill because he supposedly left his wallet in the cab. Twice. And you also need to call her to tell her how your toddler will pee on the potty at preschool but refuses in the house. Because apparently Miss Brittany holds more sway over your kid than you do.
8. Both are filled with highs and lows.
That guy was so witty! But then he hit on your friend when you introduced them. Your toddler wants to pee on the potty! But then he doesn’t want to do it again for the next five months.
9. Both can be gross.
That guy who kissed like an eel was pretty disgusting. So is your toddler putting his hand in a pool of his own urine.
10. Both end up working out.
That guy your friend set you up with turned out to be Mr. Right. And your toddler will end up potty trained. But not before you bribe him with a bike. For his third birthday. By which you mean the Christmas after his third birthday. Okay fine, it was his fourth birthday, mom. Stop being such a stickler.