My toddler is adorable, rowdy, and always seeking adventure — much like the frat boys I partied away many a night with back in my heyday. But the similarities between my baby and a raucous bunch of college boys don’t end there. I’ve found that both toddlers and frat boys:
After downing an entire bag of Pirate’s Booty while binge-watching Handy Manny, my son gets off the couch looking and sounding like he just came home from a three-day bender with the brothers of Tappa Tappa Keg.
2. Like boobs
Though these boys may like them for vastly different reasons, toddlers and frat brothers have quite the appreciation (and appetite) for the female form.
3. Wear togas
Frat boys aren’t the only ones who like to take sheets and turn them into dresses. My son often fashions his woobie (blanket) into a makeshift toga and runs around the house trying to conquer the cat.
4. Puke a lot
Sometimes a bro’s just gotta hurl, man. Be that bro 21 years, or 21 months, of age.
5. Listen to horrible music
Where once the sounds of pulsating techno music throughout a house party made me slowly lose my sanity, the harmonies of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse now do just the same. Oh, how things come full circle.
6. Jump off things
Maybe this is just a boy thing, but my son jumps off the couch like it is a dare from his fellow pledge to jump off the roof of the frat house. Can anyone explain to me, why?!?
7. Chug juice
Sure, the “brothers” may prefer juice of the jungle variety, but my son digs the sweet stuff just as much. He can polish off a box faster than I can say, “Don’t squeeze the box!” Can’t wait until he gets to the shotgunning beer stage of his life …
8. Eat a diet of mainly noodles
Though my toddler prefers mac and cheese to a frat boy’s ramen, he certainly intakes his fair share of carbs and sodium via noodle form.
9. Sleep in crazy places
In college, I had a friend who once woke up behind a television set … in a stranger’s apartment. While my son does not yet have free reign to make the neighborhood his bedroom, he has fallen asleep while eating, going to the bathroom, and standing up.
10. Pee their pants
Come on, we all know a guy who peed his pants after a long night of indulgence in college. I just hope that guy in college wasn’t sleeping on your couch at the time, like my toddler was last week. My little guy just treats life as one big excuse to overindulge, and the sofa as his personal potty.
11. Get hangovers
Good god. The sugar hangover. It could take down a booze hangover in a fistfight any day. You can mend a traditional hangover with cheese sticks and aspirin, but the toddler sugar hangover WILL NOT BE SILENCED!
12. Love their mamas
No matter how big baby boys get, they still love their mamas.