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6 Opinions I Didn’t Ask for — Straight from My Threenager’s Mouth

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Image courtesy of Heather Neal

 

There’s a huge difference between infancy and toddlerhood, and I’m not talking about a slow reduction in sleepless nights, not having to decode baby cries, or the ability to stop worrying about every teeny, tiny detail. No, the major difference has little to do with your eventual grasp of the whole parenting thing (for now) and more to do with one huge toddler-filled development: The Opinion.

I was so sure (in my vast three years of experience in parenting) that the insistence of opinions, attitudes, eye-rolls, and talking back wouldn’t arrive until the early teen years. Those that have been doing this parenting thing longer than I have are already laughing. There’s a reason three-year olds are aptly nick-named “threenagers.” The age of three is about as close as you can get to a teenager without the puberty, acne, and driver’s license.

Lucky for us, we got a head start in the toddler ‘tude category with a delightful yet mischievous little boy that likes to think that he’s not only in charge of everything and everyone, but also that he needs to share his opinion on just about everything. For example, this week alone I’ve failed at the following: correctly holding the steering wheel, playing matchbox cars, looking the wrong direction while watching Wreck It Ralph, and appropriately tucking in his fire truck like a taco, not a dinosaur.

In the spirit of threenage glory, here are six opinions I didn’t ask for, keeping in mind he is freshly three (AKA I am doomed in everything I do ever from here on out).

1. How to hold the steering wheel while driving to preschool anywhere.

“Hold the wheel with two hands mommy! You might bonk into those trees!”

2. How to appropriately tuck in a bedtime blanket.

“Like a taco mommy, like a taco. No, that’s like a dinosaur! Tuck me in like a taco, not Superman.” (I can just here the “duhhhhh” rolling off his tongue …)

3. How to correctly watch an animated movie.

*Holds my chin and directs it towards the television. Refuses to let go for the duration.* “You gotta look at the purple monster mommy. No, keep looking!” (Because I must not remember from the first 1,304 times I saw it.)

4. How to drive.

(There’s a theme here.) “Go faster mommy, go faster! You have to be the leader! Get that car in back of you! Pass him! Daddy knows how to go faster.” (Ahh, the daddy-is-better-than-you threats being thrown into the ring already.)

5. How to make dinner.

“There’s a five on the clock mommy, make me dinner?” (Note: It’s 3:53 pm. While his assessment is accurate, it’s not quite right, nor is it dinnertime.) “Put the foods in the hot thing now mommy or I’ll still be hungry when the other fives come.”

6. How to wear my hair.

“Put it in front of your face mommy, like a monster!” … as he claws and swipes at it until I resemble a messy Cousin It. (I’m not going to read into this one…)

And of course, there’s the ever-present “I do it MYSELF” and “No, I do it!” that’s emphasized so many times a day that it doesn’t even register on my radar anymore.

What (welcomed or unwelcomed) opinions does your little one share with you?

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