I’m guilty of being one of those “I can do it all” women who was determined to show that motherhood doesn’t have to slow you down. Go ahead and yell and me. I deserve it. In particular, prior to having kids, I believed that one’s children were never an acceptable excuse for being late, absent, or even tired at work. So, naturally, karma bit me in the butt with two very busy toddlers. Here’s just a few of the many ways they cause me to be late to work in the mornings …
1. They get me dirty
My girls just love to touch me with dirty hands after I’ve put on my work clothes, which means I need to stop and change my clothes. A toddler’s touch is never clean. Never ever, ever. I used to think that if I worked hard enough I could keep my kids sticky-free but no amount of bathing and wiping can prevent the constant ooze of saliva, snot, and food that covers my children.
2. They hide my work I.D.
To them, it’s an awesome necklace with mommy’s face on it. Each night when I come home from work someone inevitably pulls it out of my bag and puts it on. How do I say no to that?
3. They reach milestones
Both of my daughters like to do their “firsts” just as I’m walking out the door for work at 8am. Last week I had one foot out the door when Sandy said “I love you mom” for the first time. I put down all of my stuff and sat on the floor and hugged her and played with her for an additional 30 minutes. My other daughter, Clementine, decided to start walking on a Wednesday morning at 7:55am. I was an hour late for work that day.
4. They hop in the shower
Nothing slows me down in the morning like having one (or both) of my daughters leap, fully dressed, into the shower with me. Even when they don’t make it into the shower, wrestling them out of the bathroom with a head full of shampoo can add a good 15 minutes.
5. They break things
My daughters have a knack for breaking something each morning that shatters into a million dangerous shards. Everybody freeze! The clean-up must begin immediately and be impeccable. I’m constantly convinced that there’s nothing left to break; however, they find something. A mirror, a mug I didn’t realize a friend left on the counter, a jar of olives that they shouldn’t have been able to reach, the list goes on and on.
6. They put mystery objects/substances in my shoes
Weekly I experience the “What the h%#! is in my shoe?” moment. It’s usually something wet like cantaloupe from yesterday’s breakfast. This leads to me cleaning my shoe, changing my socks, and reminding myself that this will all be funny one day.
7. They stick their hands in the toilet
Ahhh, I hate this one! I have a complete disinfectant routine that cannot be rushed that includes bathing them and brushing their teeth. It’s my problem, I know, but it makes me feel better. It also makes me very late to work.
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