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Inner Thoughts of a Toddler on the Playground

Image Source: Thinkstock
Image Source: Thinkstock

The playground is so much fun, and there are so many wonderful chances to give your parents a heart attack! Here’s a glimpse inside a toddler’s head when she finally gets a chance to run wild among the swings and slides, in her natural habitat.

Yay! It’s time to play outside!

I am going to conquer that huge big kid Monster Slide today because I’m a big kid now.

My binky’s gone to join the other binkies at the special palace of beloved pacifiers in the sky.

C’mon and help me up already, Mom!

A swing is open!

Great, I’ll just run right over and … what was that?

Whose feet are those sticking out of my swing?!

It’s my turn to swing.

Does that kid think he owns this place?

This is my playground. I’ve been coming here for weeks, since I did that taste test and discovered that fish-shaped crackers have nothing in common with live goldfish.

There’s something yellow over there.

I brought a yellow shovel to the park once.

Maybe that’s my shovel.

Finders keepers, I always say.

Why is that pigtailed, booger-nosed kid still holding my shovel?

Didn’t I declare that yellow is my favorite color? That means all yellow things in the world belong to me.

I’ve staked my claim as the rightful owner of all things yellow, and I will win this shovel — my shovel …

… or the long-lost brother of my shovel that really should stay with me for safekeeping — in an epic tug-of-war the likes of which this kid has never seen!

Ooh, snack time!

You can keep your shovel, Pigtails.

That chocolate-coated granola bar across the playground looks delicious, but all I get is a bunch of icky carrot sticks.

Keep your snacks, Pops.

I’m going back to show that Monster Slide who’s the champion of this playground.

Step aside, guys, and I’ll show you how it’s done.

It’s so high up here.

Why don’t they make the slides a little closer to the ground?

Save me, somebody!

Or maybe I should jump.

This sweatshirt has a hood, and it’s about parachute-sized.

I’ll step off this edge and sail gently down to a soft bed of wood-chips.

Thanks for sprinting over to catch me, Mom.

Just wanted to make sure you had a little cardio today.

Dogs! There are dogs here!

I love dogs. But not dogs this close. Back off, Fido. I need a little space.

No! Don’t eat my shoelaces!

They are my favorite shoelaces. Go after that kid — he’s a walking Cheerios dispenser.

That squirrel keeps sniffing at my snack!

I was going to come back and eat it, but that little rat got his boogers all over it so I have to throw it away.

I guess you’ll just have to take me to get a donut to replace those inedible, squirrel drool-covered carrots.

I haven’t had a donut since yesterday! I need donuts to survive! Donut! Give me a donut!

Wait? What’s that shiny thing?

Candy!

Dirt isn’t to eat, huh?

Then why does it go so well with a side of someone else’s discarded, sticky lollipop?

Some generous kid left it here to share with the world.

It’s a random act of kindness! I have to eat it, otherwise his good deed will go unappreciated.

Goodbye, lollipop. Goodbye friends. Goodbye slide.

I will be back tomorrow.

Monster Slide … get ready, because I’m coming for you.

Stop looking so smug.

Article Posted 1 year Ago

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