Inner Thoughts of a Toddler Getting Dressed in the Morning

Image Source: Thinkstock
Image Source: Thinkstock

Toddlers have a unique style all their own, mixing formal holiday wear with sweatpants, or plastic firefighter helmets with footie PJs. When they get dressed in the morning, it’s with flair and a noble struggle against the tyranny of pants that parents just don’t understand.

Here are a few things that go through toddlers’ heads when they’re getting ready to go out the door:

Good morning!

Birds are singing, the kitchen’s stocked with Cheerios, and it’s another glorious day to wear my absolute favorite shirt — the striped one covered with streaks of yogurt and crusty bits of gravy from last night’s dinner!

I’ll just dump out all these drawers and find it.

Folded clothes make it much harder to search for just the right outfit.

Hmm. It’s not here.

All I can find is the coordinated set my mom laid out for me — gross. That dress doesn’t match those leggings. I mean, white and blue are completely different colors!

A bright red shirt with bright orange pants matches.

Bright goes with bright, especially if sparkles are involved.

Why won’t Mom let me dress her, anyway?

She’d get so much more attention if she wore a ballgown to work.

The big wicker basket in my closet is the best source for clothes.

All that soft stuff already smells like me!

Oh, it’s dirty you say, Dad?

That’s not mud. That’s how toddlers accessorize.

Pants are nothing but a binding prison for my legs.

I hate you, pants!

This shirt looks nice. I’ll just yank it on and … there.

Wait, it has a tag! This tag is the worst. thing. ever. It’s even more horrible than that itchy sweater with the too-tight neck hole that got stuck on my head.

Who thought of tags, anyway? And seams in socks? And combs?

I like it when my hair looks like a rat’s nest! I’ve always wanted a rat for a pet. Or a hamster.

That’s it. I’m going back to my PJs.

What do you mean I can’t wear PJs out of the house? These are my formal PJs! They have ruffles on them! That’s anytime apparel, right there.

OK, if PJs are out, then swimwear is in.

This swimsuit is just the thing to wear under my dress. With this, a pair of flannel pants, and seven bows in my hair, I’ll be prepared for anything. I will be ready in case we decide to fly to Hawaii after we get yogurt at the grocery store and jump in some puddles.

Just add rain boots aaaaand

Now I’m set for the day.

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Article Posted 4 years Ago

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