Introducing the iPotty: A Toilet for Toddlers Whose Parents Have Just Given Up (on Parenting)

Sorry, kids. Mom and Dad have just plain given up.

As most parents do, I tend to think my toddler hung the moon. Peony, 16 months, is whip smart, pee-in-your-pants funny, and if she were any cuddlier, we’d have to stuff her and put her on display at FAO Schwarz. Kind of like your kid, right?

Peony is so smart, in fact, that I just know — I just know! — that she will be a champion potty trainer. Maybe she won’t get it right away. Maybe she’ll have some accidents after the fact. But like nearly every kid before her, she will learn the use the potty. And this I know, too: She will learn to potty train without the assistance of an iPad attached to her potty.

The 2013 Consumer Electronics Show is underway in Las Vegas and one of the gadgets making news is an iPotty, or ‘Smart’ Potty, which is designed to make potty training “a little easier” for parents, according to NBC News. It’s a potty for the littlest toilet trainees that is designed for parents to attach an iPad to it so “junior can gape and paw at the iPad while taking care of business in the old-fashioned part of the potty.”

Now, Peony will be the second toddler I’ve ever had to potty train. Her older sister Petunia, 4, did it a couple of years ago. Like Peony before her, Petunia is wickedly bright and has more personality in her pinky toe than an entire traveling circus (kind of like your kid, right?). But potty training her was one of the grossest, messiest experiences of my entire life. And I once spent a day cleaning up after six dozen sled dogs. Still, we persevered and made it through to the other side of dry beds and clean panties.

Do you really want your multi-hundred dollar electronic device near a child learning (or not, as is so often the case) how to properly handle their urine and bowel movements? Will a potty-training board book not do the trick for your kid as it has for thousands upon thousands of toddlers before yours? And what are you teaching them, exactly? That good old hard work isn’t necessary? That they need something with a screen in front of them in order to learn the most basic of modern-human skills? That one of your primary functions as a parent is something you’ve give up on entirely and left to a Steve Jobs’ creation? Will you wash the iPad after a poop- or pee-splattered hand accidentally comes in contact with the iPad, or will you trust you little one with your tablet and the bathroom sink?

The iPotty will be on sale in March for $39.99. In case you’re not sure, we won’t be buying one in our house.

Screen shot via the BBC

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