Kids Say the Darndest Things: Dinner Table Edition!

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The dinner table is hands-down my favorite family activity. We try to make it a point at least several times a week to sit down as a family and eat together; the benefits are well-studied, from healthier weights in children to a lesser risk of them using drugs and alcohol. Sometimes it’s a homemade meal, but other times it’s just ordered pizza. Either way, the three of us are gathered around a table and we say grace and talk without a television drowning us out or other distractions. It used to be a little boring because Harry didn’t talk, and then it became a bit chaotic when Harry reached the frantic age where he was throwing all of his food so we could barely get in two bites. However, I’m happy to report that toddlerhood and preschool have ushered in a new era of family dinners with an added hilarious component.

We say a simple grace before eating (“God is Great”) and it has been really cool watching Harrison memorize it. But lately, he’s been adding his own spin. Last night we had the following:

God is great
God is good
Let us thank him for our food
By our dump trucks, we all are fed
Thank you, Lord, for log trucks

I was coughing into my napkin to cover up my laughter, and my husband’s face was turning red from the effort to not guffaw at the table. Because oh, the sincerity!

So I asked my girlfriends on Facebook what their toddlers and preschoolers have said at the dinner table and as always, they did not disappoint. Check out this hilarious “dinner table edition” of kids say the darndest things:

  • 10 Hilarious Things Toddlers Have Said at the Dinner Table 1 of 11

    Be sure you're sitting down with no drink in sight because these are laugh-out-loud funny! Click through for 10 hilarious things toddlers have said at the dinner table ...

  • The boob cafe 2 of 11

    "My baby brother doesn't need food; he eats my mummie's boobies."

    ... said at a restaurant. I wanted to crawl under the table because, of course, the waiter was an 18-year-old guy.

    — My friend Krystal, on nursing her 3-month-old (Read her blog here!)

  • I believe Ludacris has a song for that 3 of 11

    "Move you a$$hole — I want my cheeseburger!"

    ... said from the car seat at the drive-thru, yelling at the car in front of us. Someone in the family needs to watch their mouth.

    — My buddy Stephanie (Read her blog here!)

  • Monkey see, monkey do 4 of 11

    "That damn coke!"

    ... after he said that, my husband and I both gasped: Where did you hear that? What did you say? You know, the usual. My husband then said, "Hartman, we don't say that." Hartman looks at me and then says, "Well you say it all day!"  ... and then I died.

    — My friend Ashley (Read her blog here!)

  • Potty talk 5 of 11

    "Can I just throw my hot dog into the toilet, cause it's gonna be in there tomorrow anyways."

    — Again, my friend Stephanie. She has the best kids. (Read her blog here!)

  • That’s expressive! 6 of 11

    "Awww, dammit!"

    — My friend Mary's almost-three-year-old

  • Follow the rules 7 of 11

    "We do not touch other people's pee-pees! It's a law!" 

    — My buddy Brandi who's raising two boys close in age

  • What’s in a name? 8 of 11

    "Dis is not Cinderella Zuchinni. Dees are Flynn Ryder beans."

    ... we name vegetables after her favorite characters to get her to eat them.

    — Amy's two-and-a-half-year-old daughter, Charlotte (Read Amy's blog here!)

  • A theological discussion 9 of 11

    Last night over dinner, Lily explained to us all how God is the mayor of heaven up in the clouds and how he catches the balloons that kids accidentally let go of. (Because of course, right?)

    — Suzanne's four-year-old (Read Suzanne's blog here!)

  • Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies 10 of 11

    "I have cat glitter in my hair because it's beautiful." (Then he) proceeds to shake used CAT LITTER out of his hair onto his plate.

    ... her kids, man. They slay me.

    — Stephanie (Read her blog here!)

  • And now a note from The Lorax 11 of 11

    "I will eat this, but I'm highly offended by it."

    — Megan's three-year-old, quoting The Lorax movie

What are the funny things your toddlers have said at the dinner table?  Share on the Happy Family Facebook page so we can read your funny stories!


Article Posted 3 years Ago

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