The Mommy Wars Peace Treaty

Over on Babble Salon, they are debating the Mommy Wars. Have you heard of the Mommy Wars? Its when lazy stay-at-home moms and selfish working moms duel each other to the death.

Do you know who is supposedly involved in the Mommy Wars?


The smart discussion on Babble Salon revolves around whether this is an actual issue or just the media stirring things up for ratings (Anderson Cooper’s recent show about whether stay-at-homes moms are lazy being the main catalyst).

For the record, calling stay-at-home moms lazy is ridiculous. I don’t know one working parent that thinks it would be easier to be at home than at work. Quite the opposite.

In fact, a lot of my working mom guilt comes from the relief I feel when I walk out the door.

According to the Mommy Wars, I should expect an army of stay-at-home moms to come banging on my door, wielding dirty diapers and baskets of laundry, calling me a lousy excuse for a mother, just for making the statement above.

I’m waiting.


Nope, so far it hasn’t happened.

Call this crazy but in the two years I have been a working mom, I have never once encountered an opponent from the other side.

Wait, you’re thinking— you don’t know any stay-at-home moms???

Of course I do!

Some of my best friends and most avid readers are stay-at-home moms.

But we are not opponents in any sort of war.

I wrote a post a few months ago about how I often feel like I am cheating at motherhood by leaving my child with her incredibly capable caregiver while I go off to work.

Do you know who rushed to my defense?


Working moms and stay-at-home moms both made incredibly supportive comments underneath the post. There wasn’t one negative remark in all 65 responses.

I found out a lot about my readers that day.

They talked about missing their children while at work vs. feeling isolated at home. They talked about working mom guilt vs. career ending regret. They talked about the fear of a caregiver replacing them vs. losing a sense of self. And some moms, of course, talked about working or staying at home out of circumstances that were not their first choice.

Did one mother criticize another mother’s choices?

Nope. Not a one.

In my experience, we are all battling our own issues. Not each other.

I also believe that most mothers, even if they have moments of guilt or envy, wouldn’t do things differently.

So. I would like to send a message to whomever it is that is perpetuating the “Mommy Wars”. And I would love it if you would do the same.

I, __________, am a mother. I am not involved in the “Mommy Wars”. We are all mothers making the best decisions we can for ourselves and our family. Thus, we are all part of the same team.

Please sign by commenting below.

Read more of Ilana’s writing at Mommy Shorts.
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Article Posted 5 years Ago

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