The Twelve Toddler Days of Christmas

Hey, people. It’s Harrison.

My mom thinks she’s so gosh darn funny sometimes.  I guess motherhood’s a pretty hard gig, so it’s a good thing I’m so darn cute.  Because otherwise she might eat me.  Momma says we’re going to make Christmas cookies, so it’s a good thing I helped with the pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving. I’m getting pretty good in the kitchen, despite what my old woman says about me throwing flour and sugar everywhere.

I’m getting SO EXCITED for Christmas and Santa and presents and hoping that Santa brings me a big Mater Monster Truck like I asked. I’ve been working extra-hard to be a good boy and not cry at preschool drop-off, so I’m feeling pretty confident that the fat man will follow through on that truck.

Here’s a mockery of my mom’s twelve days of Christmas, but toddler style.

Which is NOT like Gangnam style.

  • 12 yogurt raisins 1 of 12
    12 yogurt raisins
    My mom finds these under her couch cushions, between car seats, in ears, pants pockets...
  • 11 colds per year 2 of 12
    11 colds per year
    Feeling like an expert at the humidifier and identifying croup? Join the club.
  • 10 Yo Gaba Gaba! songs 3 of 12
    10 Yo Gaba Gaba! songs
    No need for drugs (not to mention they're illegal) - just turn on DJ Lance & his band of merry monsters.
  • 9 skipped naps 4 of 12
    9 skipped naps
    Mommy says she needs to watch Ellen, but I know she just needs another round of "let's play monsters!"
  • 8 Gymboree classes 5 of 12
    8 Gymboree classes
    Mommy says these are for our "bonding," but I think she just likes gossiping with her friends.
  • 7 Matchbox cars underfoot 6 of 12
    7 Matchbox cars underfoot
    Did I put them there on purpose as revenge for that early bedtime? ONLY I KNOW THE TRUTH.
  • 6 potty accidents 7 of 12
    6 potty accidents
    Usually in the worst place ever, like your new carpet or a birthday party.
  • 5 I do it myseeeeelfs 8 of 12
    5 I do it myseeeeelfs
    Like washing my hair and letting the dog out the front door and helping you pour the flour into the cookies. I don't know why you don't thank me more often.
  • 4 Fresh Beat Banders 9 of 12
    4 Fresh Beat Banders
    I like to pretend to be Marina with Momma's pots and pans. It's weird, though...I don't know what "migraine" means!
  • 3 dirty sippy cups 10 of 12
    3 dirty sippy cups
    What's that smell in your car? Probably the milk cup I tossed under your seat. THREE WEEKS AGO.
  • 2 lost lovies 11 of 12
    2 lost lovies
    Panic! Running around at bedtime! Trying to find a substitute! I like to think of it as "exercising" my parents.
  • And one epic angry tantrum 12 of 12
    And one epic angry tantrum
    The mother of all toddler cliches and behaviors. Because IT IS TRUE.

Article Posted 4 years Ago

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